maybe...is this another game?

i like how it felt
but then
i am more mind than heart now
plus the doubts of rebound

so am i playing another game?
i think im too tired for that now

what then?
do u have the answers?
and will you reveal?

long goodbye

india arie sings...

u dont't have to stay forever
i take passion over pride
full moon, high tide
let's make it a long goodbye

tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
try to mend our broken lives
soft kiss, sweet lies
let's make it a long goodbye


we need to always...
live passionately
love fully, unconditionally

cause we'll know when its time
to get up and walk away

it has for me

confessional boxes

we are each other's confessional boxes
where secrets freely roam
release, set free
and baggage no more

then we can return
to our lives lived deep
till the marrow of it we hit

what once was teasing
is now a friendship
unconventional yet refreshing
a mirror image of personalities
keeping connected, in touch

good night boxie
till our next confession

too many topic sentences. no body. argh.

so many things in my head i want to unload.
i try to write them down
but theres too much
and it ends up not making any sense.
like everything I write is a topic sentence
and I can't seem to follow through with a body.

does that happen to you? what do you when it does?

i suck as a writer.

am i willing to take a pay cut?

i bruise easily, so the song goes.
this one is true for me in many ways,
especially today.

i thought what they wanted to think over was the allowances.
so when I got the call,
i was expecting either yes or no regarding that.
but when they told me about the basic they were offering,
i felt a kick to the throat.
it was even lower than what my previous job was giving me.

i liked the company, and i wanted to join them.
but does that mean I'll take that much of a pay cut?
i wasn't asking for too much,
but what they wanted was way below industry standards.
like low, low, low, low!

this is why you need to have a plan B.
so that if plan A doesn't push through,
there's a net to catch you.
i don't have a plan B, not yet that is.

dear Lord, please let them reconsider.

redemption and hope

my intial interview for this company was a shock
right after it i found myself walking aimslesly in eastwood
thinking what was that, what was i thinking

so it was a shock that they called me in for a final interview
this time with the training manager

while waiting in the lobby for my name to be called
i was watching people go in and out and thought
theyre happy, and the culture is light
just the way i like it

the interview with the training manager went well
well i least I thought it did
and somehow I felt i was in the zone
i also liked how open the communication was
if he were my boss we would work well

so i am praying hard now
this is a company and a job that i am very much open to invest in

so friday, hopefully I get the verdict
please join me in lobbying with the heavens

and i pray

thank you jars of clay for writing what my heart has been shouting out

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can’t deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

its not everyday that we get this opportunity.
thanks Ced! it was fun!


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argh

its been heavy
like constantly having weights
that i drag from place to place

emotional, confused yet hopeful
wanting more depth and essence
to what is here

crossing out the days till
all of this will shake right off
then i can start another year

this is for me

oh it has been a struggle
not thinking about you these past couple of days
what even makes it harder
is that you seem to have your own PR person

our friend comes in with pompoms
making sure i dont ever forget you
you should pay her well, cause she's working hard
trying to remind me each time we meet
the reason why you are who u are to me

so here i am resisting the very very (very) strong urge
not to send you an sms
while i ponder on how your day is now- with all the changes
or if i manage to slip in between your thoughts
of what to eat for breakfast or which is the best route to take
that same way i remember your when mr. curiousity plays
or when i gaze down at the white skull and bones stuck
on to my black slippers

no matter what gimmick I do, i won't seem to forget
I genuinely laughed and smiled because of you
I can exist well beyond my comfort zone thanks to you
despite this, it cannot be one-sided
however I rationalize things, there has be a give and a take
all i needed was something to hold on to, to which I got none
so I make a decision to which its consequences
I resist to even imagine
i may regret, i may swallow my words
but i am standing up for me, my spirit and my heart

i have accepted i can never own anybody
nor can I bribe a person to give me affection
no matter how much I love, or visualize, or pray
so i have to take steps forward now
i need to get back on track
and get back to my journey

mizpah 'yang...