Curse of the Talented?

its not that I'm mad or anything but I do feel like I'm always the first option to save a situation if the original plan can't push through for reasons that are valid sometimes. maybe i should see it as a compliment. that since they know i could pull it through, then they would run to me. but what if i say no? i wonder how they would take that and if they would actually drop what they're doing to carry through. or would they even care?

but here i am stuck with fixing the script, a lil bit of grumbling but nevertheless looking on the brighter side of things. cause at least this is my bargaining card for me to be able to make it to the next surf trip.

does this make me mean?

Mobile Me

the cab was my home today. almost half an hour to proj 8 to get my paintball mask and shoes. an hour and a half to manila hotel to supposedly meet with my surfing boss. waiting at the lobby for 20 minutes. another hour and a half then it was my real home.

this is mobility at its best. i had my cellphone singing it's rush ringtone almost every 30minutes. shades, mp3 humming jack johnson, power naps between locations.

i got home at 6pm. overslept. late for shift. yikes....

Selamat pagi!

a wonderful morning indeed. how can a morning not be good if you're greeted by people that seem to have a natural talent for infusing laughter into any situation.

my raskal brothers getting to work early took time to make me feel at home with the paintball talk and the usual Raskal Havoc . conversational pieces that can only be from people who have a special connection with you.

next week i hope there could more raskals in the room. to speedyG thanks for being the brains in this endeavor.

saya rindu awak semua!

See ya next year Scottie!

Kathy, Kage and I met up for dinner with Kung-fu Scott, who's leaving to head back to work in Syndney tomorrow.

Scott and two other friends took a detour trip to Guiuan, Eastern Samar to join us for the 3rd leg of the Philippine Surfing Circuit. They were nice enough to help us with the surf clinics wherein more than 20 local kids signed up excited and willing to ride the waves.

So Scottie, we'll see ya next year Mr. Pro "Underground" Surfer!

and so i called him. i just wanted to hear the sound of his voice. it was an echo of calmness, control and yes--there was contentment. part of me saying I wish I had his life was real, except i had ommitted, my wish that it would be with someone like him (if not him) .

i need to head to a meeting now. but I shall continue soon...

photo credits to Pat Mateo.

Severe Beach Hang-over

Four days was too short for Siargao this year.
A note to self.
Next year will be different.
Need to stay for Zeny's birthday.
Need to wait for International surfers to come in.
I guess I need to find a different job.
Argh.

Return to the Island

SIARGAO HERE I COME!!!!!!

A chance to start writing on a fresh page. That is what has been given me today., the first day in my new job. And there is in me a desire to make this worth all the sacrifices the people around me had to endure.

Despite leaving the call center industry, I am once again drawn to working for a start up company. There are some new faces but the core team I will be working with are people I trust and that to me matters a whole lot. I look forward to picking up the pieces of my career as a trainer and and stick to it for a while after having realized that I can still make a difference whatever industry I am.

This is not a goodbye to events or paintball but rather a way for me to have the capability to do what I enjoy on my spare time. The true test lies in being able to create a balance between career and passion for events.

Gratitude to the people that still believed in me and extended a hand of help through difficult times. Indeed I am back refreshed, stronger and renewed.

Needing a JOB!

Anyone know of any openings for sales or call center trainer openings?
Or as event staff? Production Assistant?
If you do know of any email me or send me an sms!
Thanks!

Finding One's True North

I can choose either to be a victim of the world
or an Adventurer in search of treasure.
It’s all a question of how I view my life.
-Maria, Eleven Minutes by Paolo Coelho

I have always considered myself a dreamer. That is who I am. I find the determination in knowing I can dream and make them my reality. But right now I need to find my True North otherwise I'll end up catching anything that what I consider treasures may loose their value.

Picking Up the Pieces

Depression is still knocking on my door.
Everyday it becomes even more persistent in selling itself to me.
Presenting one sound argument after another.
It seems that all options lead to dead ends.
Possibilities loose their power and your self-esteem is under siege.
How then can one pick herself up?

True Freedom

I don’t know where you are and how you are, but you have been in my mind the past few days. Despite my wanting to let go and move on, part of me knows I cannot.

Can it happen that one loves wholeheartedly but is not loved by that person back?

I may not in my lifetime be able to tell you “I love you” point blank. But I know I have taken the opportunities to say it in action or by hiding them between other expressions. I have shown courage that much. And despite what they say that men cannot grasp beyond plain words, I know that you have an inclination of what my heart has to say. However I believe that love should be free. And that the true experience of freedom is having the most important thing in the world without owning it. That then is what I shall embrace. It doesn’t mean it is easy but it is the truth.

You have been a muse and a companion. To what the future holds for you, me or “us” it will unfold in its time. But I will always have faith in love and I know that it moves in ways that is beyond the intellectual grasp of any individual. Like a stream we cannot dictate how long it’s waters will flow. But like that woman who possessed “a light” in her- I also say to you and the messengers of love before you “ Come and bless me with your hope, and stay as long as you can.”

Fading Magic

There’s a picture of boy in my shelf that reminds me not to give up on my passions. He is a portrait of what enthusiasm can do to ones soul. And I need to be reminded of that fact. Cause lately life has been draining out of me and the magic of beliving is fading.

Reliving Moments

From time to time thoughts of you manage to still creep into my day. It's like a slideshow of photos I have taken with my mind of those random moments I felt were worth keeping. Like those timeless melodies, they’re a part of my life that I can take out whenever and wherever I feel the need to hum, relive and reassure myself that the choices I made in my life brought me to experience the beauty of people like you. Then the journey becomes worth every second.

Facing and Bracing Reality

I'll be gone for a while. I need to take a trip and face the current situation. It would be nice to say that I will do so with no fear but it will be lying. I don't like myself for having gone this far and letting me sink this deep. I am starting to burden people around me and if I dont start picking up now I may not be able to look at these people in the eye.

Pray with me that I will get through this...the right way.

a mere title

They call us trainers. It's a mere title. But I find the title too aggressive. I want to be considered a facilitator and coach. Not wanting to be a know it all but just trying to guide people to a different way of looking at things. That way it becomes a two-way process with the people that I deal with.

I believe that those that take part in the modules I handle will in part teach me a thing or two. And I am eager to join them in their learning, discoveries and realizations.

POWER OF MUSIC

I was tagged by Jill. So here goes...

Total volume of music files on my computer:
I really havent checked

The last CD I bought:

Jack Johnson's "In Between Dreams"

Song playing right now:
Vienna Teng's Harbor

Songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
I'm changing the format a bit.
I'm posting my favorite artists,
the songs I like from their albums and
the words in these songs that mean alot to me.

Better Together by Jack Johnson
"Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it’s so hard?
It’s not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I’ll tell you one thing, it’s always better when we’re together"

Strength, Courage & Wisdom by India Arie
"Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility
Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice
But I've been, too afraid to make a choice
'Cause I'm scared of the things that I might be missing
Running too fast to stop and listen"

Ready for Love by India Arie
"If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart"

Healing by India Arie
"I release all these disappointment
From my mental physical spiritual and emotional body
Cause I know that spirit guides me
And love lives inside me
That's why today I take life as it comes"

Eager Angels by Session Road
"Like eager angels falling from heaven
I'd give it all up to share the pain with you"

Suntok sa Buwan by Session Road
"Itanong mo sa akin,
tatanungin ko rin
kung ika'y aamin
lahat ay gagawin."

The Tower by Vienna Teng
"she says I need not to need
or else a love with intuition
someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
but now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow"

Lullabye for a Stormy Night by Vienna Teng
"for you know, once even I was a
little child, and I was afraid
but a gentle someone always came
to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears
and to give a kiss goodnight"

Harbor by Vienna Teng
"fear is the brightest of signs
the shape of the boundary you leave behind
so sing all your questions to sleep
the answers are out there in the drowning deep"

Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:
Does it really have to be five??
Goddess Morwen
Nawruz
Persh
Keng Keng
Edhel Espyn

Where is the Manual?

I want to take charge of my life…again. However I do not know where or even when to start. Somehow in the last few months I have seemed to either loose touch of certain aspects of myself that I feel like I do not recognize who I really am anymore. What makes it worse is that I am so good at rationalizing that I can convince the people around me that I am in control of the situations, so compelling that I manage to even assure myself that I am on the right track.

I am growing tired of my trial-and-error approach to handling the situations that come my way. Why can’t life just have a manual? That when things malfunction you can just turn to a certain page and read a step by step procedure on how to troubleshoot the problem. A guaranteed approach to deal with the circumstances that one is experiencing.

But then wouldn’t kill the sponteneity of life and make it boring? I guess the cycle continues…

That Time of the Year

It's that time of the year. When you feel that your whole system short circuits and you are left at your most vulnerable self. You want to get to your core and ask yourself if the year previous to this was any different the year before that. Sometimes it's just as simple as "Am I a better person?" But the answers always seen to be elusive at this time of the year, so maybe next year then? One of those mystifying cycles of life.

Maybe if I was...
Five or six, I would have looked forward to a party.
In highschool, it would have been a great time at the mall with my friends.
In college, I would have gone to a bar with my favorite band playing.

But I no longer am in these phases. So I guess this year I could try spending quality time alone with the celebrant...me.

Half Filled or Half Empty

Could it all boil down to attitude?

I was on that edge of either giving up or just going through it for the sake of the people that I would be turning my back on. Was I on the right track? Or should I just turn back now while I still had a fall back career. Or maybe I was asking the wrong questions.

Friends say that I needed to look into my priorities. Ask myself what is important and to probably stick to what would give me financial security. For a week there, I did let them get into my mind. I was seriously thinking of giving it all up. I thought I was loosing sight of the goal. But was happening is I was too fixed on the prize I was forgeting to enjoy the journey.

Maybe what I need is a change of attitude. That I should accept this as of now, sacrifice a little for what is to come and simply relish the experience in between the present and the dream cause I will never have a chance to relive that.