lists and maps

no more complaining. gotta start doing! it's never too late! so i start off with this:

1. taking the trip to the world cup in KL as a volunteer
2. acquiring the money to make the trip to KL in November
3. spending time with my KL sisters and brothers
4. having more than enough to pay the rent, bills, weekend adventures and a yearly out-of-the-country trip plus have some stash for a rainy day.
5. being able to pay everything on my card
6. finding a career that is a match with my personality, values and way of life
7. always having fun wherever and whenever!
8. being able to live in europe for a year; ohhh the weekend escapade and cultural learning...yum!
9. taking my parents on a vacation

i'll be making a collage of my 2010 -2011 vision. i'll post that up soon! welcome back sunshine!!!

this too shall pass...

she feels the chaos break open the gates
spreading numbness inch by inch,
drowning that which enables coherence of thought
its toxic aura making its way to core of her being
strength seems to have leaked out
with it, the draining of will and passion

she kneels and pray
guard my heart oh Great Spirit, she cries
sheild it from the poison of conformity
or the lies of defeat
let it not break with the pressure
instead let it pound loudly
to beat of my dream's drum
and remind me of the power in believing, she appeals

let her fathom the wisdom of knowing
that despite the failure of all her senses
she can trust in one thing that remains pure
the essence of all that she is
sans the dictations of the world
from this, she can gather her desire to continue her journey

hear her song Great Spirit
in this twilight of her existence
let her reach out and hold on to faith
that this too shall pass

guarded hearts

what is it you protect
behind this fortress of yours
that despite the months
you have still been comfortably cautious

i am on one-brick-window-basis of your life
gradual releases of your choices and journeys
pushing out a brick enough to peer through
and then putting it back in

i reckon exhaustion is setting in
of having kept these walls, years counting
so come rest your hand on mine,
and allow me to balm your wounds

hush, dear thinker
draw near and lay your weary head
all is well, your baggage is safe on my watch















that is if you let me

photos are from The Drifter and the Gypsy blog

at day's end

there's that wish
that each time I turn the knob
someone is waiting
with hugs and kisses
that brushes the day's pain away

that you would be there
cause today i came home
missing you terribly

sense in this madness

there is still a big question mark above all this
i don't know where things will take us
but i do know i am enjoying the new you
be safe and well is my daily prayer for you

hopefully there will be sense in our madness

too many topic sentences. no body. argh.

so many things in my head i want to unload.
i try to write them down
but theres too much
and it ends up not making any sense.
like everything I write is a topic sentence
and I can't seem to follow through with a body.

does that happen to you? what do you when it does?

i suck as a writer.

am i willing to take a pay cut?

i bruise easily, so the song goes.
this one is true for me in many ways,
especially today.

i thought what they wanted to think over was the allowances.
so when I got the call,
i was expecting either yes or no regarding that.
but when they told me about the basic they were offering,
i felt a kick to the throat.
it was even lower than what my previous job was giving me.

i liked the company, and i wanted to join them.
but does that mean I'll take that much of a pay cut?
i wasn't asking for too much,
but what they wanted was way below industry standards.
like low, low, low, low!

this is why you need to have a plan B.
so that if plan A doesn't push through,
there's a net to catch you.
i don't have a plan B, not yet that is.

dear Lord, please let them reconsider.

redemption and hope

my intial interview for this company was a shock
right after it i found myself walking aimslesly in eastwood
thinking what was that, what was i thinking

so it was a shock that they called me in for a final interview
this time with the training manager

while waiting in the lobby for my name to be called
i was watching people go in and out and thought
theyre happy, and the culture is light
just the way i like it

the interview with the training manager went well
well i least I thought it did
and somehow I felt i was in the zone
i also liked how open the communication was
if he were my boss we would work well

so i am praying hard now
this is a company and a job that i am very much open to invest in

so friday, hopefully I get the verdict
please join me in lobbying with the heavens

argh

its been heavy
like constantly having weights
that i drag from place to place

emotional, confused yet hopeful
wanting more depth and essence
to what is here

crossing out the days till
all of this will shake right off
then i can start another year

what now?

when my room's a mess

it's usually a reflection

of how my mind is at the moment.

the feeling of wanting things to work

and fear of finally declaring that it won't

puts hand to my throat and i feel like throwing up.

its not about too many things

rather finding which things i want to keep

then it's believing that things will flow well

this is faith. and this i pray.