lists and maps

no more complaining. gotta start doing! it's never too late! so i start off with this:

1. taking the trip to the world cup in KL as a volunteer
2. acquiring the money to make the trip to KL in November
3. spending time with my KL sisters and brothers
4. having more than enough to pay the rent, bills, weekend adventures and a yearly out-of-the-country trip plus have some stash for a rainy day.
5. being able to pay everything on my card
6. finding a career that is a match with my personality, values and way of life
7. always having fun wherever and whenever!
8. being able to live in europe for a year; ohhh the weekend escapade and cultural learning...yum!
9. taking my parents on a vacation

i'll be making a collage of my 2010 -2011 vision. i'll post that up soon! welcome back sunshine!!!

guarded hearts

what is it you protect
behind this fortress of yours
that despite the months
you have still been comfortably cautious

i am on one-brick-window-basis of your life
gradual releases of your choices and journeys
pushing out a brick enough to peer through
and then putting it back in

i reckon exhaustion is setting in
of having kept these walls, years counting
so come rest your hand on mine,
and allow me to balm your wounds

hush, dear thinker
draw near and lay your weary head
all is well, your baggage is safe on my watch















that is if you let me

photos are from The Drifter and the Gypsy blog

sense in this madness

there is still a big question mark above all this
i don't know where things will take us
but i do know i am enjoying the new you
be safe and well is my daily prayer for you

hopefully there will be sense in our madness

maybe...is this another game?

i like how it felt
but then
i am more mind than heart now
plus the doubts of rebound

so am i playing another game?
i think im too tired for that now

what then?
do u have the answers?
and will you reveal?

long goodbye

india arie sings...

u dont't have to stay forever
i take passion over pride
full moon, high tide
let's make it a long goodbye

tomorrow we'll pick up the pieces
try to mend our broken lives
soft kiss, sweet lies
let's make it a long goodbye


we need to always...
live passionately
love fully, unconditionally

cause we'll know when its time
to get up and walk away

it has for me

confessional boxes

we are each other's confessional boxes
where secrets freely roam
release, set free
and baggage no more

then we can return
to our lives lived deep
till the marrow of it we hit

what once was teasing
is now a friendship
unconventional yet refreshing
a mirror image of personalities
keeping connected, in touch

good night boxie
till our next confession

redemption and hope

my intial interview for this company was a shock
right after it i found myself walking aimslesly in eastwood
thinking what was that, what was i thinking

so it was a shock that they called me in for a final interview
this time with the training manager

while waiting in the lobby for my name to be called
i was watching people go in and out and thought
theyre happy, and the culture is light
just the way i like it

the interview with the training manager went well
well i least I thought it did
and somehow I felt i was in the zone
i also liked how open the communication was
if he were my boss we would work well

so i am praying hard now
this is a company and a job that i am very much open to invest in

so friday, hopefully I get the verdict
please join me in lobbying with the heavens

and i pray

thank you jars of clay for writing what my heart has been shouting out

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can’t deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

argh

its been heavy
like constantly having weights
that i drag from place to place

emotional, confused yet hopeful
wanting more depth and essence
to what is here

crossing out the days till
all of this will shake right off
then i can start another year

this is for me

oh it has been a struggle
not thinking about you these past couple of days
what even makes it harder
is that you seem to have your own PR person

our friend comes in with pompoms
making sure i dont ever forget you
you should pay her well, cause she's working hard
trying to remind me each time we meet
the reason why you are who u are to me

so here i am resisting the very very (very) strong urge
not to send you an sms
while i ponder on how your day is now- with all the changes
or if i manage to slip in between your thoughts
of what to eat for breakfast or which is the best route to take
that same way i remember your when mr. curiousity plays
or when i gaze down at the white skull and bones stuck
on to my black slippers

no matter what gimmick I do, i won't seem to forget
I genuinely laughed and smiled because of you
I can exist well beyond my comfort zone thanks to you
despite this, it cannot be one-sided
however I rationalize things, there has be a give and a take
all i needed was something to hold on to, to which I got none
so I make a decision to which its consequences
I resist to even imagine
i may regret, i may swallow my words
but i am standing up for me, my spirit and my heart

i have accepted i can never own anybody
nor can I bribe a person to give me affection
no matter how much I love, or visualize, or pray
so i have to take steps forward now
i need to get back on track
and get back to my journey

mizpah 'yang...

di malilimutan

went venue hunting at UP Diliman today for a possible event client.

being in the campus can put u in a nostalgic mode. reminiscing tambayans and people. and seeing certain "spots" where memories where first casted.

yes UP di ka malilimutan.

what now?

when my room's a mess

it's usually a reflection

of how my mind is at the moment.

the feeling of wanting things to work

and fear of finally declaring that it won't

puts hand to my throat and i feel like throwing up.

its not about too many things

rather finding which things i want to keep

then it's believing that things will flow well

this is faith. and this i pray.

choices

you always have a choice
(or at the very least influence)
to what happens in your life.

at the end of the day
what matters is you feel good
about who you have become
from the choices you make.

and if you dont,
believe that you can still make another choice,
to make you become better...then much better...
and even better...
day after day.

things have been changing...rather changed!

old trees are being uprooted
and new ones may be planted soon
so many changes in my backyard
i am afraid i may not recognize it
when I go home

it's his last day in the company today
after today, there will other events
that will change what i called home.

part of me accepts, and part is sad
sad because changes bring a phase of unknown.
you are part of the picture when i speak of "home"
and by tomorrow
i have to get used to some people not being where they usually are
that by the time I do get there some guys may be on a different raft.

i hold on to the assurance that despite the movement
that it's not about the company, but rather the relationship
that the friendship is what's important.

we may move on to other places, jobs or get married
but that does not change that we are friends.

n said that we will not know
what will happen tomorrow or a week from now
what's been happening the past couple of weeks
is giving the statement its truth.

jangan kamu lupa! we will keep in touch!

but it's mine

there is something that you want
you choose the path
and yet it seems the roads are long
the wait lead to questions
more and more questions lead you to doubt

and yet you tell yourself...
but this is MY dream

its based on how i see myself
and what i would want
it reflects my emotions
it has been shaped by my journeys
validated by the people i have met
shouldn't it be what i follow...
my own map to my own future...

can ones dream or personal legend be wrong?
if so how can we trust what is right?

cycle of acceptance

to hope,
to want,
and gracefully accept the opposite.
this i know.

this is how it has been,
but hopefully how it will not always be.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

jammed up and overanalyzing

my head at this point
is like an intersection with a busted traffic light
every thought trying to get to their destination
only to be cut off by another rushing through
colliding into the incoming
each one trying to honk their horn
and flash their lights
its been like this for days
nothing comes through in one piece
utter chaos

my initial reaction - analyze and fix
nothing, so i analyze some more
till there is no more
and i am all thinked out
frustrated
stressed
i tired!

i dont know how the light got busted
and i definitely am clueless at how to fix it

what a way to start my year
i need to turn this around
*sounds the whistle*

new found enjoyment

i am now in tagaytay for a job evaluation session with a land development company. and since the hotel has wifi then here i am taking time before the session starts to post this.
i am liking my new fun job.

after my 2-moth malaysia adventure, i joined a team that does organizational development consultancy and offers various training programs. we also offer teambuilding programs for companies that want to maximize the effectiveness of its teams. the past couple of weeks, I am being exposed so that I can eventually lead and facilitate some of the programs we offer. but for now I get to shadow my boss and handle just a module or two.

butch calls me his training associate. i am basically a slasher. i do anything and everything for now. i am marketing coordinator, training assistant, personal assistant, researcher, powerpoint designer and training participant all in one. being a kinesthetic learner, doing all these things maximizes the skils and knowledge I gain. and i am enjoying every minute of it.

to top it all, i get to work with my mentor. he's been a boss for the last 5 years with 2 of the call centers I had been connected with which means he had gotten to know how to handle all my socializer-artistic self. so yey!

so why am i liking my job? because like centrum it is complete. i get to train, to travel and learn alot from everything I do. plus it freelance so what more can you ask for?

it's simply...magic!

stranded in a railroad station,
he glanced at me and asked…do you believe in magic?
seeing no need for second thoughts I gave a smile and firmly said...
yes langga, i believe!

because I do…

here i am far from the comforts of familiarity is where it unfolds almost everyday. from the decision to pack my bags, to the daily doses of laughter and the spontaneity of little things that seem to give out a thumbs up that indeed this is part of the journey. despite the detours and road blocks, I was meant to be on this particular track.

from laying down that one puzzle piece, the rest of the pieces just seem to fit in the grooves perfectly. everyday there will always a moment to celebrate and a reason to be thankful.

that is why i believe…that in anything there will always be an opportunity for one instance that catches you by surprise…and like being in a magic show, you scratch your head and you ask…now how did that happen? well…its magic!