Posted by Hello
Friday, July 30, 2004
circle of women
a circle of women that awed the political playing field....definitely beauty and brains...
Posted by Hello
Posted by Hello
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Thursday, July 22, 2004
SETTLE? NOT!
Tonight, I trod the path to what seems like freedom from the bondage of settling for mere companionship. The operative word-- MERE.
All my life I have jumped from man to man convincing myself that he is worth the emotions-- and consecutively the pain. But what I tried to dismiss was the fact that for most of them, what I thought was acceptance of the entire persona was just a way for me to prolong my agony until the next, and hopefully better one comes along. In some of those men I did find genuine attraction, but it wasn’t the right man or it wasn’t the appropriate time. And for a stubborn person like me, thirsty to experience what life has to bring I embraced each one with eagerness, eventually teaching my heart to create an illusion in most of these affairs. A daydream, of what to me is a guy who I can and would want a commitment with, and yet the only thing they can reciprocate with, was at the most--friendship.
I knew from the time I meet these people that I was going to fall for each one. Not because there was something mystical about the person, nor was it sheer destiny, but because I have mastered the art of observing the traits of each man and have taught myself to appreciate that which is delightful and learn to accept the eccentricities. What I failed to see was that, I was getting into these “friendships” for the wrong reasons. For very selfish reasons. That in my bouts with loneliness there can be one that I can turn to for companionship. I not only got myself into a friendship of pretensions, but in turn, i deceived myself.
So tonight I realize that the path to freedom can be awkward. But as each pain cuts through my flesh I find my mind opening to what can be a relationship with these men that is more genuine and if not, rewarding. I cut each bind I have created and start anew. There are things to learn and most definitely unlearn. But in the end, this life is not about just finding yourself, but rather in creating and re-creating oneself.
All my life I have jumped from man to man convincing myself that he is worth the emotions-- and consecutively the pain. But what I tried to dismiss was the fact that for most of them, what I thought was acceptance of the entire persona was just a way for me to prolong my agony until the next, and hopefully better one comes along. In some of those men I did find genuine attraction, but it wasn’t the right man or it wasn’t the appropriate time. And for a stubborn person like me, thirsty to experience what life has to bring I embraced each one with eagerness, eventually teaching my heart to create an illusion in most of these affairs. A daydream, of what to me is a guy who I can and would want a commitment with, and yet the only thing they can reciprocate with, was at the most--friendship.
I knew from the time I meet these people that I was going to fall for each one. Not because there was something mystical about the person, nor was it sheer destiny, but because I have mastered the art of observing the traits of each man and have taught myself to appreciate that which is delightful and learn to accept the eccentricities. What I failed to see was that, I was getting into these “friendships” for the wrong reasons. For very selfish reasons. That in my bouts with loneliness there can be one that I can turn to for companionship. I not only got myself into a friendship of pretensions, but in turn, i deceived myself.
So tonight I realize that the path to freedom can be awkward. But as each pain cuts through my flesh I find my mind opening to what can be a relationship with these men that is more genuine and if not, rewarding. I cut each bind I have created and start anew. There are things to learn and most definitely unlearn. But in the end, this life is not about just finding yourself, but rather in creating and re-creating oneself.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Monday, July 05, 2004
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