Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Wildly Sophisticated

While you can plan, you can't predict.
While you can try with all your might, you can't control.
While you can dream, you can't experience without action.

What you can do is choose..
The most important choice you have to make is your attitude.

-Wildly Sophisticated Woman

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Loosing the Childhood Innocence

I was starting to loose the child in me. Journal writing became scarce, because I was neglecting to celebrate life on a daily basis. The fun was being replaced by the worries of the world and we all know how these can eat us up. The habitual existence, forced to do something for the sake of survival. The balance they say from being a dreamer and the reality of life. But how does one know what the right balance is? Can one really weigh one’s dreams against a scale?

The point when I wanted to give up on life, was that moment that I thought I had to give up all of my dreams that I felt my heart being gripped both figuratively and literally. For when dreams are taken out of one’s spirit then it is when the soul starts to wither. No longer does it hope for a future. The drum beat stops and we are left with no rhythm to follow. How then can one's spirit dance without its melody? Maybe the question should be why do permit that childhood innocence to be defeated by the complications that we bring into our lives? Only ourselves can permit the reactions to the situations that are thrown our way. We should not blame the circumstances for the state of our lives. We have to take control of our existence and not leave it in the mercy of the state of the world.

But why then do we replace friends with worrying. Rest with cramming. And somehow the magic of believing in the good dissipates and we are left with hopelessness.

What then should someone do to rise up from this quagmire? Can one bounce back from such a fall?

Thursday, March 17, 2005

The LOWdown on Life

Indeed the universe does conspire to those who dream…initially at least.

Her life has taken, for lack of a better cliché, a dramatic turn back to what she felt was square one. Maybe it was the just the year, they said that the Year of the Rooster was not very lucky for Gemini’s. She was almost beginning to believe in the accurateness of astrology. If only they had answers to the multitude of questions that seem to crash into her in tsunami-like fashion.

"Why is all of this happening to me?" This is probably the I’m-getting-desperate-for-answers kind of question anyone can ask. But can one really find an answer to that question?

Last year, 2004, seemed to be her year. She had a job that took her places, met some very interesting characters to add to her list of people she called “the crayons of life’s coloring book.” Plus the trip to Malaysia, Singapore and Vietnam that she considered a grand finale for the year. All of this makes you say, ahhh….this IS the life. But then January came and everything just started to, well…suck!

From a near death encounter with fire (not her element at all), to moving out because of a brother that just pushed her to her limits, to parent’s that gave up trying to understand the lifestyle their daughter has been struggling to embrace. She now lives in a humble room, with really noisy termites and a couple next door that seem to perceive her as another girl trying to live a wild existence. Juggling a part-time call center job with a company that has lost it act and her “event projects” that do generate income-except add to the stress- but are however too interesting to give up for a full time office job, isn’t really much help to the situation. There’s also her almost non-existent savings account in the bank and the threat of no financial resources for April looming in the oh-too-near-future. Let us not forget to mention the debts she has to pay, that when put together can force one to tie a knot around their neck…now to just find a beam that can carry her weight. She has not had a decent sleep for a month now and the nausea she has developed for Jollibee food since that’s all she can afford to eat. One can’t help but be a little (NOT!) sarcastic and say…now, this IS life!

This woman now lives on a daily basis. Talk of the future is starting to sound ridiculous. She keeps the call center task to be able to make her rent money, eat yet-another-Jollibee-meal, provide her with access to the Internet and serve as a diversion for pathetic thoughts. Too survive at the very least. Because despite it all, there is still apart of her that continues to believe…that the universe is conspiring to her dream…they are just testing on how much she is willing to go out of comfort zones to reach them. Maybe that small seed can be enough to make miracles happen…

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