frustration sets in today. not with people but with the system. a system that makes you hope but then drops you like a potato. then you fell like everything you have worked for is null and void. despite giving blood, sweat and tears.

in the world we live in it is so rare to find men that are gentlemen. i was beginning to be a believer that chilvary IS dead. until i met these two men. they've been a SMS away for the past few days. and they're company when my other friends seem to be busy with their own lives. i find the gesture of them being there so comforting. especially in a time in my life that I just need the assurance that i am not alone.

a tour of dreams

with my fingers, i can count the days i have left in Tourism. it has been a rewarding 3 1/2 months and i wish I had worked here much sooner. and now each day brings me closer and closer to the end. i don't want to leave!

but as they say every door that closes opens up a window. yes, by february8 i will be involved (as a key player) in a nationwide senatorial campaign. exciting! last january 1, as i was soaked in a foamy tub in Holiday Inn, i had asked what this year will bring. the past year brought me people and opportunities, i believe this year will take me on a flying carpet tour of dreams i never thought was possible. and maybe love --i wish it does. for a gemini, this is something we have always wanted. excitment, thrills and an adventure into the unknown.

so now I look forward to the days to come. to unviel dream after dream. to encounter people that will make me grow. to find "him." to simply continue on loving life and take pleasure in being alive...

a sweep of sadness fills me today. why i feel so I do not know but its if I want to cry. I don't know who to tell or if i even should bother my friends about it. i know I get over this but i need to write about this day.

There have been a lot of moments to celebrate as well as to learn from in 2003. I feel a sense of pride in having achieved these in my life. But with the sensation of happiness I also feel that is more to my life than just that, a yearning to seek out further. Don’t get me wrong I have never been tough on myself. Not a perfectionist even. It’s just my hunger for life. Yes, I am a free spirit, a wanderer as some say. Always wanting something different, always wanting to be someplace else, it seems to some people that I do this because I do not know what I want in my life. Aimless and fluttering without direction. But the truth of it is because I do aim for something, I seek for a place to fly to. That is to enjoy life as it comes, and to share that sense of being alive to people who seek and have that same hunger for living. It is not that I have no perception for contentment, but instead it is not to stop in merely attaining material things, a successful career, a wonderful family or in popularity. It is in being fulfilled. Of being able to say I tried and I have done my best in whatever it is I have put my heart to do.

So now I see the New Year as another opportunity to do what I do best, survive and live life with the enthusiasm of a child. A fresh page to lay my pen and fill it with more tales of triumph over the negativity that prevails in the world. To be able to at least touch a soul whose wick may have been dampened by the circumstances in their lives and in turn be inspired by their renewed spirit.

Next adventure please!