this is for me

oh it has been a struggle
not thinking about you these past couple of days
what even makes it harder
is that you seem to have your own PR person

our friend comes in with pompoms
making sure i dont ever forget you
you should pay her well, cause she's working hard
trying to remind me each time we meet
the reason why you are who u are to me

so here i am resisting the very very (very) strong urge
not to send you an sms
while i ponder on how your day is now- with all the changes
or if i manage to slip in between your thoughts
of what to eat for breakfast or which is the best route to take
that same way i remember your when mr. curiousity plays
or when i gaze down at the white skull and bones stuck
on to my black slippers

no matter what gimmick I do, i won't seem to forget
I genuinely laughed and smiled because of you
I can exist well beyond my comfort zone thanks to you
despite this, it cannot be one-sided
however I rationalize things, there has be a give and a take
all i needed was something to hold on to, to which I got none
so I make a decision to which its consequences
I resist to even imagine
i may regret, i may swallow my words
but i am standing up for me, my spirit and my heart

i have accepted i can never own anybody
nor can I bribe a person to give me affection
no matter how much I love, or visualize, or pray
so i have to take steps forward now
i need to get back on track
and get back to my journey

mizpah 'yang...