new people means adjustments.
for a day I felt how it was to hate a person.
the way that person sounded, dressed up
and even how that person tapped on the desk when they wanted to make a point.
i have been feeling exhausted lately,
plus my sleep time is rationed to the point the my body is complaining.
So you giving more work just as I am about to leave the office,
doesnt really help.
when you talk to me, I can feel that nothing I do will ever be good for you.
I hope it's just my paranoia talking
so to you, I have nothing personal against you.
but I do hope that you realize that we need to make this relationship work.
You agitate me with all the lists and seemingly random solutions that you present.
so, i'll make the first step to adjust and will be praying that we can meet halfway.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
A Not So Different Valentines Day
It has been 2 weeks since I packed all my things in boxes and moved in to my very own apartment. Things have been changing in my life since 2009 and the emotions are sliding the scale. Moving into a new home has by far been the biggest growing up move I have made.
Yes I feel like a big girl now. I’ve been telling those close to me that the Peter-Pan-me is growing up and I am both enjoying the journey and terrified as to what is in store for me.
Even my heart had gone through its own maturing. Last year I found myself finally letting go of a man that I thought I would do anything for. Like those people that had to give up addictions, I found myself with the need to constantly keep myself occupied. I had to be very busy; otherwise I feel the withdrawal symptoms would catch up with me. The need for constant movement was solved with focusing work. Auspiciously, it was here that I recognized that with the last man gone, my heart now had the space and the right prayer. So I heard 2 knocks on its door.
I responded and found 2 messengers that have unselfishly been sharing their stories and lives to me. The message being sent was never to lose hope. All was good until I found myself wanting too much.
Valentines this year, I thought would be different. That somehow the DreamGiver heard my prayer for a twist to the usual yearly moping. Yet here I am, sitting in my empty living room still alone.
Days back I wrote that I was giving my heart a week to take the lead. Done deal. Now my head will step in and decide on what will be better for the moment. I need to be able to function and with my heart in the driver seat I know I am bound to lose focus and the concentrate on the valuable balance I need.
I am not exclusively dating any of them and it hurts my head when I try to analyze what is actually happening. Or if there is more to the friendship that we have. All I know that at this point I should not give up the fight for love. There will be a someone and a family in my life. I should not lose faith in that promise.
As for Valentines, I need to steer clear of the notion that for it to be great I should have flowers or go out with someone. It should not be just about loving others; but is should also be about making sure you are capable of giving out love.
No more assumptions. No more doubts. But rather to just thankful for the blessing sent my way. I shall let myself enjoy each day, this way I can fill myself with more and more of that energy that makes me capable of sharing more of who I am to anyone that comes into my life.
So indeed a sincere Happy Valentines Day!
Yes I feel like a big girl now. I’ve been telling those close to me that the Peter-Pan-me is growing up and I am both enjoying the journey and terrified as to what is in store for me.
Even my heart had gone through its own maturing. Last year I found myself finally letting go of a man that I thought I would do anything for. Like those people that had to give up addictions, I found myself with the need to constantly keep myself occupied. I had to be very busy; otherwise I feel the withdrawal symptoms would catch up with me. The need for constant movement was solved with focusing work. Auspiciously, it was here that I recognized that with the last man gone, my heart now had the space and the right prayer. So I heard 2 knocks on its door.
I responded and found 2 messengers that have unselfishly been sharing their stories and lives to me. The message being sent was never to lose hope. All was good until I found myself wanting too much.
Valentines this year, I thought would be different. That somehow the DreamGiver heard my prayer for a twist to the usual yearly moping. Yet here I am, sitting in my empty living room still alone.
Days back I wrote that I was giving my heart a week to take the lead. Done deal. Now my head will step in and decide on what will be better for the moment. I need to be able to function and with my heart in the driver seat I know I am bound to lose focus and the concentrate on the valuable balance I need.
I am not exclusively dating any of them and it hurts my head when I try to analyze what is actually happening. Or if there is more to the friendship that we have. All I know that at this point I should not give up the fight for love. There will be a someone and a family in my life. I should not lose faith in that promise.
As for Valentines, I need to steer clear of the notion that for it to be great I should have flowers or go out with someone. It should not be just about loving others; but is should also be about making sure you are capable of giving out love.
No more assumptions. No more doubts. But rather to just thankful for the blessing sent my way. I shall let myself enjoy each day, this way I can fill myself with more and more of that energy that makes me capable of sharing more of who I am to anyone that comes into my life.
So indeed a sincere Happy Valentines Day!
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