Behind the Merrymaking

the essence of why i began this journal in 2002 was ME
to write about what i learned, what i felt, about what i wanted to do.
i am laps behind the seasoned writing runners
but like them i will aim to run the race to the finish
realizing the value of my own pace
i blog not to please others, but to unload.

i am reconnecting with my goal.

today when everyone was merry about christmas
i was questioning my capability to be a friend
was i selfish? inconsiderate? untrue?

and of all the people
that would make me feel this way
it had to be you...

you had to be the one to break the dam
the emotions I prayed would just evaporate in time
came crashing down to flood my suppressed and exhausted mind

you could have at least had the heart to understand
or at the very least...asked
for old times sake perhaps

thankfully i had my own rescue team
and now i just wait for the waters to subside
eyes sore and body tired...i feel numb...