Just got back from this bar named Mazzo, in Libis. It was a cool chill out place with great music, just the kind you wanna grove to. Thanks to this guy name Leo, I discovered another haven to relax the mind and calm down the body after a stressful day.

It has been a tough day for the trainers. We’re doing simultaneous training right now. Having two separate classes, before one could even finish another batch starts. I had to turn down some possible training opportunities outside of the company because of this. And what’s killing me is the fact that I won’t even be able to spend time with Ivan and Chris when they back from Galera.

Ahhh Galera….

Jeanette and myself recently went back to our “haven.” We got a really good tan too! I became much darker and Jean got a good glowing color all over. As though it was tradition, our Saturday night was spent at Miko’s bar and we met two Swiss guys, Ivan and Chris. Another opportunity to use our intercultural communication skills. It was a good night, even having a full moon and a romantic looking beach, plus two recent acquaintances. They talked about their adventures, having been traveling for 10 months to different countries. Oh I envied them. How I wish to be able to just go backpacking around the world. The next day we bumped into them again, went swimming and learned to skip stone. Though I am a failure at the latter, we had so much fun and it was another nostalgic moment to keep in my heart’s scrapbook.

I just love being on the beach...
I wished I lived by the beach...

BELIEVING IN SIGNS

I believe in fate.
I believe in destiny.
I believe in the signs.

Why is it that there is a inclination for us to only trust and embrace the signs- that supposedly fate sends us- if they are in harmony with what we would like to happen? There is a tendency to sweep under the rug those that seem negative. Those that don’t go well with what we’ve planned to happen. Isn’t that cheating fate and destiny? Where is the belief in this so-called unseen forces that we have faith in?

Once again questions abound.

Signs have been popping up. A window has been opened by two other call centers. Recommended by two different individuals who have confidence in my capabilities. Note that these were unsolicited. These came from a person I have co-facilitated with, not even a friend. And someone I have only spoken through a message board. Not even knowing my current state of mind in my career, they have surfaced. Are they not valid signs?

Circumstances are pushing me to analyze objectively.

It can either be that I should stick to this career, that’s one. Or that I should move on, otherwise missing out on opportunities. I have been in the business for almost two years now. I have started from the bottom and have worked my way to my dream of being a trainer. That is itself is an occurrence to be considered. I have learned a multitude in my two years. Knowing there is more to learn, I stand my ground. Despite the burn out and the de-motivation, I continue to hold on. I have confidence in the company I currently work for. It’s a long way to go and there are a lot more to accomplish, but I feel empty.

There is that part of me that says; my work here is almost over. I have carried out my mission with them. But there is also that little voice that whispers, there is more…be patient. I have always been adventurous and a risk taker. But there was always that safety net I can rely on. I feel paralyzed. I cannot decide.

All I know though is that I want to be able to make a difference. To be able to bring new knowledge and an impact on a people I work with. Right now I feel I cannot give any new idea to GCS. My self-esteem is letting out a warning sign. Maxed-out is word I use. Maybe a change of atmosphere is needed.

Should I take the risk? Am I going against fate?

Great Spirit, I pray for clarity of mind. For wisdom in facing decisions that I know will have immense impact in my career…in my life…

MY LOVE FOR LIFE

I ask myself why I am holding on to this job. Another thought process that has been brewing in my mind, surfacing every now and then.

My team has recently finished a teambuilding session. A lot was achieved in terms of rebuilding lost relationships and repairing the team spirit. And a part of me wanted so much to renew my commitment to the team. Yet a bigger part of me wanted so much to go for my dreams.

If I hold on to this job I may never be able to go down the path I’ve always wanted. Although this job gave me the opportunity to learn skills that I will need in my chosen career, yet I am in the wrong industry. Being in a call center will never give me the opportunity to hone my talents in theater or film. I know that staying will create an empty place in my soul. I love working with people, especially from different cultures GCS gives me the occasion to do so and yet I feel restricted. I want to be in the forefront, not hide behind the phone. I want something that is kinetic, that I am able to move about and not just sitting in front of the computer most of the time

I’ve always yearned for a job concerning training. I want to be able to help develop people. Make an impact in their lives by imparting what I know and equipping them with knowledge and the learnings that they need in order to be effective. I want to be able to make them realize that they are worth something in this world. I would like them to be capable of expressing themselves through art, movement, music and speech. I want them to believe that they can make a difference and an impact in others as well. I want to empower people. People that will love life and grasp the infinite possibilities to celebrate it each day.

I exist in this world saying Carpe Diem. I would like to challenge people to have that same passion towards life.

We don't not know how long we can live but we sure can make it worthwhile.

QUOTES THROUGHOUT THE PAST YEAR

It funny how people think of the weirdest things to say. And since I have-technically- weird friends here is what they have been caught saying...


Help! Thought processess are overwhelming me!
A. Vencer

No boys! No voice! and No choice!
Galera Faeries

I embody purity and innocence!
Archie

If it looks good, pop it in your mouth!
Patrick (Ronan Keating)

I know your hurting...(with left hand over the person's chest..)
Jansi

a toast to true love!!!
by most of the people at our party, except Archie

Men are like switches...they go on and off.
A. Vencer

...in time
John Lo

Pag gusto maraming paraan, pag ayaw maraming dahilan...
Celtic Princess

Some will, some won't, so what, shouldn't worry...NEXT!!!!
sales quote of the year

Puede mag sorry!
Galera Faeries

Say what now? Uhuh! You bet!
Coffee Club

Wrong number talaga mare eh...
Ench

ANOTHER YEAR TO LOOK BACK AT

Another year has passed. As I have always told my 2 best friends, the year seemed to go by so fast and yet so many things have transpired. I ask myself now, how has 2002 been? Add the question that I have been asking myself for almost a month now, Where to now? What is in store for me in 2003? A lot has happened.

WORKAHOLIC ME
When 2002 started I was a professional bum. I was simply sleeping away the days. Until I got a call from a call center called Etele. It was a long process that started in January then eventually by the February they hired me. I didn’t know what was in store for me. Being a CSA (Customer Service Associate) wasn’t really in my career path. I wanted to be in film having worked for a few independent directors in 2001 and then eventually for Star Cinema. But after staying home for almost 2 months I just wanted to be working. Where ever I didn’t care. Being in one place all day was making me go insane. So I took the job. Little did I know Customer Service would open doors for me. After 5 months with Etele, I’ve had enough. The client wasn’t doing its share and we found ourselves taking in more and more irate and unreasonable calls. So I resigned. Since my best friend was working for a competitor I decided to try it out. She said they were doing “outbound calls” instead of “inbound.” Learning new things always appealed to me so I decided to try it out. I took the test with GCS, passed it, was scheduled an interview for the next day and I was in the next Monday for training, that simple. Since taking BA Organizational Communication and working for TIME, Inc (Training Institute for Managerial Excellence), I was fascinated with the Training and Organizational Development field. So when they asked me my career plans I told them I wanted to be a trainer. So I was a CSS (Customer Service Associate) for about 4 months. I was transferred to outbound sales for another two months. A little after my “regularization date,” I was promoted to Training Specialist by March. Finally, I have reached one of my goals. I can absolutely say I have an accomplishment in this company. An accomplishment in my life! Being a training specialist wasn’t an easy task. After 2 moths of working really hard, I started feeling tired. But then a new boss came and it was a whole new ball game. I had to prove myself. So after 5 months on the job I was “burnt out!” I was physically tired, emotionally exhausted and intellectually drained. I realized that I never really had an opportunity in which there is a process of rejuvenating my ideas or looking for more. So I felt maxed out. And now I sense the need to find that job that balances my need for analytical thinking and systems and at the same time satisfy my thirst for creative endeavors. What that is I have yet to discover in the coming days or maybe months…

MY SO-CALLED LIFE
Disagreements with my family especially with my mother and father, wasn’t really new to me and my brothers. We have the perfected the art of living in one roof and yet not knowing what was happening to each one. Not that I wanted it that way. Being a harmony seeker I would have wanted things smoothly. Tried all means and still it ended up in heated discussions. If you were another parent and you listen our debate I will not be surprised that you would want to slap me after. I was good. I could put the fault back to the way they raised us. I felt that I hurt them every time I did that and that hurt me more. It was my insecurity that was bringing about my “rebelliousness.” I never wanted to hurt my parents or family. All I wanted was for them to be proud of me. The tendency at home was to just shut myself out. So I decided to move out. It hurt them i know, but at least there was no more shouting and swearing. NO more emotionally damaging words said. We went our own paths with good intention. And now I can say I appreciate them more.

Things were happening to my friends as well. So when Jansi, invited us to move in with her, I readily agreed. I didn’t know what was in store for us but I knew I just had to do it. We moved in to a condominium unit by October. With Rachel (my best friend since high school), Janis and her son. So far it has been a blast. In one way or another we have learned to understand each other’s little quirks. We have our own separate lives and yet we managed to have time to check on how each one is doing through out “incense talks.” We’re spending our first Christmas in our new home so we are all excited.

This was also a year of new people in my life. Some stayed the others moved along to finish their own journeys. At the start of the year I thought I finally found someone. I call him Philip. He was there with me in spirit during the somewhat isolated Christmas vacation. He had a gentle heart. Guess he was just obligated to do so as a friend. After a dialogue with my heart and mind, I finally made the right choice and release him. Somehow my dependency on him, and him being the trained gentleman that he is was placed under my spell. I want him to be happy. I wanted to move on myself and accept that he it a good friend. Then there was Quasi and Richard. Now those two really took us through an emotional roller coaster ride. But it didn’t match the outcome of “the Sorcerer”, damn did he bring out the worst in my temper. Not to mention threatening the friendship and my career. Guess he taught me patience and tolerance. Not to mention reminding us how many “wolves” are hiding under “sheep’s clothing.” Thank God that’s over. Then there’s “the Prince.” He’s another reminder from the Great spirit, that my standards are achievable. He is man who loves music, loves art, respects the spirit world and thinks with his heart. Oh how beautiful his heart truly is. We just have a wonderful time hanging out. Just spending time together, with tea or coffee, our stories and luckies, I consider those moments “priceless.” We can make each other laugh, cry and just marvel at life and how lucky we are. It has been a long time since a man made me feel so vulnerable yet secured with myself. As I said he is but just a reminder. He continues to be in my life as a friend. He confuses me emotionally every now and then, yet I know where I stand. I still know my place. I tell myself to be contented with the friendship I share with him.

There were my Soul Sisters and our Puerto Galera trips. Jansi sends an impromptu invitation and by the weekend were off. The island was our haven. It has an effect of refreshing our worn-out spirits and rejuvenates our tired bodies and restores the soul.

I thought there were enough people but then our recent trip to Puerto Galera opened more doors. On this trip I met Jerome, a handsome French steward from Air France, who was just a sweetheart. We also met quite some characters in Dennis and his buddy Aries, very influential person in the island. There was also two friends, Cam and Jason. Jason is from England and works all over the world, not to mention a flare for history-which can get him talking for hours. Cam is from New Zealand and has a Russell shirt, who I can say is such a gentleman. Free spirits like the Galera Faeries, I look forward to spending more time with them. And how could I forget Patrick (though I never really got to confirm his real name). We called him Ronan Keating, since he looked like the said singer. He was someone we just saw walking on the beach, then found him drinking at the bar. Then after a day we found out he was our neighbor, not bad actually. In a weird way he gave me a bit of a refill for my self-esteem tank. Though we may never cross paths again thank you for that very unusual and yet flattering compliment.

The Great Spirit has been gracious. He has given me pain that I may learn humility and dependence on his guidance. He had also given me a generous amount of “miracles” that I may see how much I am loved and blessed. Thinking back I have so much to thank for. I still live a day at a time. It maybe time to start taking a step towards certain dreams. So I continue to ask for direction and wisdom. It has been another good year. There have been a lot of pieces revealed for me to put into my life’s puzzle. Yet I look forward to those He will bring to light in 2003.
Happy New Year to everyone.