forced hiatus....

a brief retreat while i hold on to the fragements of this so-called-job.
i guess we don't always get what we want.
we are supposed to embrace change,
it is the only constant.
so hush...

flicker and fade out?

the resources and the challenge is running low. and i feel like the fire of passion is wavering. the never say die attitude is itching to make changes and yet certain decisions are not for me to be made. i have done my part though. i will hold on though until my fingers are all numb and then i shall let go. then maybe i can unleash my free spirit and let my wings take me to greater heights.

Apparition

yes...i blogged after a loooooooong time.
they finally and officially blocked blogger at work.
no more rants while in the office.
no more photoblogging.

boo.

Gimme back Blogger please..

we thought we almost lost you!
i couldnt handle that.
thanks G...
I am no longer a failure
hee...

Look-alike

he looks like my supahstah
though allan wu is singaporean
and my supahstah is malaysian
they really look-like. the smile. the eyes. the dimples.
i think i will be a fan of amazing race asia from now on.
aiyooooh!
hee hee

Enough Already!

I don’t want to compete with you.
I don’t want to step on your toes.
I do want to talk with you.
And I do want to understand you.
But how can I, if you refuse to speak with me.


Why do your friends criticize me physically?
I’m not trying to win a popularity contest
I find contentment in the friends I have kept

You wear me out.
What do you really want?
Just please tell me.
Once and for all.

Today I realize...

I might have almost given up,
but i didn't allow her to ruin my spirits.
Now I have a sense of peace,
in who I am and what I can be.
Not that I am better than her,
but rather because I am blessed.
With the maturity to cope and
friends that help make me a better person.
Not people that support me blindly.
But those that are not afraid to tell me
I am wrong.
That's how they look out for me.

And this is why I love them.
you guys know who you are.

This is the song playing over and over...

ME
by Paula Cole

I am not the person who is singing
I am the silent one inside
I am not the one who laughs at people's jokes I just pacify their egos
I am not my house, my car, my songs
They are only just stops along my way
I am like the winter
I'm a dark cold female
With a golden ring of wisdom in my cave

And it is me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence

I am carrying my voice
I am carrying my heart
I am carrying my rhythmn
I am carrying my prayers
But you can't kill my spirit
It's soaring and it's strong
Like a mountain
I'll go on and on
But when my wings are folded
The brightly colored moth
Blends into the dirt into the ground

And it's me who's too weak
And it's me who's too shy
To ask for the thing i love
And it's me who's too weak
And it's me who's too shy
To ask for the thing i love
That I love

I am walking on the bridge
I am over the water
And I'm scared as hell
But I know there's something better
Yes I know there's something better
Yes I know, yes i know, yes i know

That I love
But it's me
And it's me
But it's me

Disharmony, Dis Stress!!

you can have the spotlight if you want
i dont need the stress anyway
there are other ways for me to earn this
in more fun ways
by marketing i can even travel
be with people
that at the very least,
know how to take it slow.
here. have it all!

but then again i pity you
those emotions must be tiring
does frustration accompany it too?

well then walk on by
in your tree-less journey
while i soar the skies
on these spirited wings.

Sinaksaksagol

the mind is racing, make it stop
jumping from one topic to another
why can't i just focus?
from saturday's wedding
to the training meeting on friday
even finding a job that takes me travelling
ambot oi....
ang gulo...
even my languages are mixng up.
aiyooo!

Am I Up for This

blag!
a challenge
laid on the table
now i really do need
to get my act together
but then again
is this what i really want
for the long run?

Just when...

you thought he was in the past...
he just pulls you right back
with a short but warm message
that makes your heart melt

after months of nothing

'toopid boy!
or should it be stoopid heart
for once again being giddy
yes you have that effect
argh...

New Friend

j went online today and i wasn't able to catch him by a few minutes. he did leave a message though. i hope i get to see him online again soon.

here's the story of how the dreamcatcher
and the dragon empress met j.
to amuse my travel buddy while waiting for our turn at the immigration line of the hongkong airport, i kinda played around with the lyrics of "manila, manila" and sang "i walked the streets of san francisco, i didn't go to disneyland" and this guy infront us turned around and smiled. we dropped a couple of hints on where we were having dinner and the "bright guy" that he is, got the cues and he ended joining us in barger keng.

he was a great guy and was really interested in visiting the philippines so of course being the DOT EAs that we once were, you can say we pimped the philippines to j. his flight to London was at 12mn and we were on the 9pm flight to manila. opposites sides of the globe. but we did manage to make sure we would be able to get in touch with one another.

thanks for checkin in though j!

somehow i like meeting travellers.
they have an aura that i can relate to.

New Information

I learned a new activity that can be used to promote probing and asking the right questions. It is called Lateral Thinking. According to Wikipedia:

Lateral thinking is a term coined by Edward de Bono, a Maltese psychologist, physician, and writer. He defines Lateral Thinking as methods of thinking concerned with changing concepts and perception.

Techniques that apply lateral thinking to problems are characterised by the shifting of thinking patterns away from entrenched or predictable thinking to new or unexpected ideas. A new idea that is the result of lateral thinking is not always a helpful one, but when a good idea is discovered in this way it is usually obvious in hindsight, which is a feature lateral thinking shares with a joke.

-==--==--==--oo000oo--==--==--==-

Some links that I might use for work:

Two Minute Mysteries
Lateral Thinking Puzzles
More Puzzles

lateral thinking

I learned a new activity that I use to promote probing and asking the right questions. which is Lateral Thinking. According to Wikipedia:

Lateral thinking is a term coined by Edward de Bono, a Maltese psychologist, physician, and writer. He defines Lateral Thinking as methods of thinking concerned with changing concepts and perception. For example:

It took two hours for two men to dig a hole five feet deep. How deep would it have been if ten men had dug the hole for two hours?

The answer appears to be 25 feet deep. This answer assumes that the thinker has followed a simple mathematical relationship suggested by the description given, but we can generate some lateral thinking ideas about what affects the size of the hole which may lead to different answers:

• A hole may need to be of a certain size or shape so digging might stop early at a required depth.
• The deeper a hole is, the more effort is required to dig it, since waste soil needs to be lifted higher to the ground level. There is a limit to how deep a hole can be dug by manpower without use of ladders or hoists for soil removal, and 25 feet is beyond this limit.
• Deeper soil layers may be harder to dig out, or we may hit bedrock or the water table.
• Each man digging needs space to use a shovel.
• It is possible that with more people working on a project, each person may become less efficient due to increased opportunity for distraction, the assumption he can slack off, more people to talk to, etc.
• More men could work in shifts to dig faster for longer.
• There are more men but are there more shovels?
• The two hours dug by ten men may be under different weather conditions than the two hours dug by two men.
  • Rain could flood the hole to prevent digging.
  • Temperature conditions may freeze the men before they finish.
• Would we rather have 5 holes each 5 feet deep?
• The two men may be an engineering crew with digging machinery.
• What if one man in each group is a manager who will not actually dig?
• The extra eight men might not be strong enough to dig, or much stronger than the first two.

The most useful ideas listed above are outside the simple mathematics implied by the question. Lateral thinking is about reasoning that is not immediately obvious and about ideas that may not be obtainable by using only traditional step-by-step logic.
Techniques that apply lateral thinking to problems are characterised by the shifting of thinking patterns away from entrenched or predictable thinking to new or unexpected ideas. A new idea that is the result of lateral thinking is not always a helpful one, but when a good idea is discovered in this way it is usually obvious in hindsight, which is a feature lateral thinking shares with a joke.
Lateral Thinking and Problem Solving. Edward de Bono points out that the term problem solving implies that there is a problem to respond to and that it can be resolved. That eliminates situations where there is no problem or a problem exists that cannot be resolved. It is logical to think about making a good situation, that has no problems, into a better situation. Some times a problem cannot be solved by removing its cause.

We may need to solve problems not by removing the cause but by designing the way forward even if the cause remains in place.

- (Edward de Bono)

Lateral thinking can be used to help in solving problems but can also be used for much more.
-==--==--==--oo000oo--==--==--==-
Some links that I might use:

Two Minute Mysteries -==- Lateral Thinking Puzzles -==- More Puzzles

To Alystaire and Anjelsa...

since i missed both of your weddings
please be in mine...
whenever it is...
wherever it is...














i thought there would a miracle and
that i could make it to your wedding alystaire
but i guess i will never make it.
i wasn't at anjelsa's and now i'll miss yours.
and everytime it hits me, sadness just swallows me up
i feel i need to grasp for air, my eys cannot contain it
and the tears just fall.

you and anjelsa have always been part of who i am
and i always thought we would be sharing
if not most of our lives
at least the most significant parts
like weddings and our children being born
but i have not been able to be at any
and it has been difficult to accept.

i fear that the more i miss out on this occassions
the more distance it creates
and that eventually we also grow apart.

please no.
especially not the two of you.
i feel like i need some assurance.

Dear Abba,

There will be that someone for me right? And if I believe and be patient I wouldn’t have to worry about him not understanding or worst destroying my faith in love?

Sometimes the doubts creep in when I see other people starting their own family. And now that Anjelsa has one and Alystaire will soon walk that road, all the more I feel like I’m getting left behind. Well on the other hand I am always the last maria to dive into things. But still the fear is great Father, and I find myself scared. Cause despite the open-mindedness and contemporary life I lead, I am still very much the Sunday school girl who always dreamt of having a family. An abstract painting with loud colors but underneath is a layer of a picture of my man with me by his side and our little angels running about.

Tell my heart to have faith my Abba, and my mind to stop doubting. For in your time, I believe the painting will come out just the way I like it.

DreamCatcher

Look I find some of what you teach suspect, because I’m used to relying on intellect, but I try to open up to what I don’t know

-Rent the Movie

There is a dream of someone else…

She holds on to her men not in desperation but rather in the fear that she might miss out on the one person that can be her coffeemate for life. Of giving up too soon all because the puzzle pieces don’t seem to fit the groove. Or thinking that she has put the bar too high and this could be the best of who “he” can be. She does believe in concept of destiny, it’s the challenge of being patient that seems to keep her in intersections. Too many lights, too many signs…can definitely lead to an emotional traffic jam.

But for now she will just go on cruising along the streets, avenues and highways of life. Stopping at intersections and taking note of signs, for who knows if the next turn she will find a familiar place. A place where she can park, get out and rest…in the arms of the man she has been dreaming about.

Nanaman?

why does it have to be the same thing over and over again
even if i don't choose and I just feel
they always end up having a girlfriend...
sheeesh!

It's so YOU!

a team named after you
goes to show
you're da supahstah!
this is what i didn't see
for not going to malaysia.
i did cheer though.
i hope u heard it.
i do miss u.

happy birthday dee-dee!

happy birthday Diane dearness!

chuckey driving to taytay hoping not to see children dressed in white saying "chuckey, let's play!" angela alone in the backseat trying to give chuckey directions saying "trust me, i have the map." getting lost in the palengke due to an apparently upside down map. videoke. booze. and a great time with the Mildin family.

A Daydream Trip to Malaysia

today is the start of the Paintball Asian Cup 2006. i wore my UK Ref Asian Cup 2005 shirt to work. if i had my way i would have been in malaysia today.

being picked in the airport by the supahstah.
on the way to the field we stop by a mamak,
"teh tarik tiga," the supahstah says, he pays,
and hands me my 3 plastic fulls
of the best feel-good-drink-ever.
i say, "terima kasih,"
give him my oh-your-so-heaven-sent-smile
and start sipping away.
getting to the field,
i am met with the usual
whaaaaazzzuuupppsss!!
a hug here, a high 5 there
from malaysians, indonesians and other asians
all brought together by the love for paintball.
happy thoughts racing in my head manifesting in a smile.
i take another sip of my teh tarik,
i makes me feel warm n fuzzy all over....
indeed dreamcatcher is home.

Asian Cup 2006 starts today.
I wore my AC05 shirt just to make the day extra special.


GAME ON!

photo sprint

how many photos can you take in 20minutes? 64 !
here are some of them...

Gimme a break...oh...wait...i just did!

shouldn't i be a whole lot better after a break?
why then do i feel awful this week.
restlessness. lack of sleep. frustration.
argh....waaaaaaaah....

should i take the smoothest course,
steady as the beating drum...
is all this dreaming at an end.
or do you still wait for me dream giver,
just around the river bend.

We should learn to have...

colorful macau

note for Joachim: i know you will visit if not sooner...a lil bit later.  for you to see the photos in the best quality just click on it and it will become BIG! hehehe.  hope all is well in France dude! Jo says Konichiwa from Japan.