ON GROWING UP

when a person tells you to grow up what does it mean exactly?
does growing up mean perfection?

all our lives we have been told by our parents to grow up. and still we feel that we fall short of what they expect. could it be that "growing up" is defined by the perception of a person. and so it would vary based on what a person feel is grown-up? do we equate growing up with maturity? but then what is maturity? a state in which you have reached what? it can be a play of words. but who really defines these these concepts, isn't it people? and as humans aren't they subject to the experiences that have gone through? so depending on that they base their "meanings." meanings that are different per person, per soul. thought processes once again...

FACES IN THE SUN
.: a friend's poem :.

The sunrise breaks over the sea
While they gather around me
Tears uncontrollably fall
Caused by dreams from the night before
A dream that left
An overwhelming feeling
Of loneliness and despair
Recurring even though
I've already woken up crying
So many times before
And then I look around me
At the people beside me
At the artist whose dreams
Magically shows up on paper
Whose friendship kept my course steady and true
At the hopeless romantic
Whose heart is the same as mine
Who never gave up on me
At the guy who was cool but rude
Who never left my side
and held me up everytime I fell
At the practical guy who was taught
Real love by the Woman and the Boy beside him
Who in turn showed me real friendship
At the little girl who always had a smile
Who always stood beside us
And never doubted what we could do
At the woman who catches dreams so effortlessly
Who was never afraid to say what I had to hear
At the woman I loved sitting at the far end
Whose mere presence I hold dear
Who I will never forget and always love
Even if the Gods pull us apart
I look at their faces
As they look at the sunrise
Each of them an angel
I realize
Though darkness may fall
The sun will always rise
And just as surely
My friends will always be there
Beside me

Thank you
You know who you are

a VOYAGE

the orca needs to return to the sea
to swim in familiar waters, she has been gone for so long
she needs to heal the wounds that the urban jungle has left on her.
to dive then to breech, feeling that rush of pure creative air into her body
for now she needs it more than ever.

i shall return to my heart today
that which I leave everytime i return to the city
it is in this island, where the life force is undying
no weather can hold me back.
i prayed for the sun to show itself today
and it did.
the Great Spirit has heard my plea.
looking forward to what this voyage shall bless us with,
for we seek retreat and renewal of the bond.

A GEMINI INDEED

-seeing both sides of an argument
-versatility
-readily adapts to change
-unique ability to understand what others are thinking
-innate curiosity about everything, they express interest in others drawing others to them
-concerned with the close connection between thought and verbal expression
-willing to dare the new ideas riding right along with the times
- fun loving
-spontaneous bursts of ideas
-fickle minded (i can see bugs nodding his head!)

yup 80% of this star sign. and I am all those!
i get a call from a friend after I sent him a message saying I was pushing through with plan A no matter what. But this came after we have listed till plan C and I pick out plan B. But then I felt I wasn't happy about it and my heart was heavy. but when I made that decision. I knew I made the right one. or that i will be making the most out of it.

when a friend affirms your bond, your soul feels renewed

there is a melody that sings in the night...
it speaks of your heart, of your peace...
it soothes me to slumber and carry me whole...
it floats in the air over water and fire to rest upon my weary heart...
and in dream i fly to a morrow of joy...
and i awake in the kiss of the morn knowing i had a friend who stayed by side
.:Celtic Princess:.

HEALING

i saw kamia today...

i was stunned.
part of me wanted to crawl under the table and hide.
part of me wanted to go up to her and just pull her back in.
i hestitated- what??-and yet i remembered my battle cry for the week,
CREATE THE POSSIBILITY!

we talked, catching up almost 4 years that have gone by.
there was an akward tension around us
but we laughed and talked more.
at that point in time i felt i wanted to tell her how much I have missed her.
how i have read her letters over and over.
but then I was called in for my interview.

it starts with you opening your doors and the experiences just seem to walk right in.
this is the start of healing a relationship

FINDING NEMO

i do like dory's character. she did have her issues but that didnt stop her from being a loyal friend to marlin. dory was comfortable with herself most of time. although she had to react to the journey she was on she never forgot that she should always have fun.

my friend sent me a message saying he was reminded of me when he saw dory in the film. as bugs said...You don't havethe memory loss but you do have the spontaneous playfulness and suprising bits of wisdom and the same cadence of speaking.

wasn't that just a very nice thing to say. thank you bugs! all i need to do is memorize that. who knows i can use it to meet more people! hee hee™


What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

CREATING POSSIBILITIES

create for me is such a powerful word.
it gives you a window for opportunity and the challenge to make a difference.
for a person that enjoys to explore it is the ultimate experience.
having people tell me about the Landmark Forum makes me all the more excited.
having friends that encourage you of the possibilities of taking it makes me all fired up.

if by opening up my whole mind to the concept of thinking in a different way, i can lead an extraodrinary life, then why not give it a try. having been exposed to the views of people that have taken the forum, i believe that it will indeed help people lead a much more productive life. so I am indeed enrolling myself in the possibility of taking the forum. and I declare it right here in my own stage, to the people who read my blog.

the time I've been spending with old and new friends has been very enriching and inspirational. its like my incense talks but on a wider perspective. the very thing I need. work has been discouraging and dissapointing. it seems like we just go around in circles and never improve. you give it your best and still plans never materialize and I have given it 1 1/2 years. so I believe that is enough time. what even is more disheartening is the fact that they always bring it back to the trainer, to her not being flexible or focused. or to her passion in a different realm. i feel that is taking away away who I am. i have given up alot for this company because I believed in what they wanted. family relationships and even some friendships had to be sacrificed just so that i'll get a compliment from management, pathetically, just to be noticed by management. and it took me two years to learn the simple fact that its not worth it. in some way I acknowledge that I need to be more assertive. non-confrontational me, needs to stand up and speak up. i did. but i feel like, the committment I had with my superior was written in water. it hinders my plans of slowly going down the path of my dreams. in landmark jargon, it disempowers an individual. an i will not let them do that.

to my new friends, thank you for the affirmation that i am a coach. amidst the scars of the battles of the past, i now realize the future. that night's discussion was a blessing to me. and now i open my doors to newer things. it is never too late to start something. and i enroll myself in the possibility that I will go down the path of my dreams. i declare happiness and I visualize a future that I will be proud of!

i now can climb on top of my whale and declare my destiny.

NO MATTER WHERE LIFE TAKES YOU, YOU WILL ALWAYS COME HOME

three faeries at sea...
sailing home to their island.
to the heart of the philippines they go...
their sanctuary, haven and refuge.
a place where their energy seems to flow endlessly...
une plage de mémoires.

they take a boat each. that with a figure head of each ones faerie soul. they try to sail the sea of life. battling the waves, they seek their True North. they are free spirits people say. they follow the wind, they hunger for where life can take them. making stops at their island for rest. but on this sunrise, you see the eastern horizon glowing rose-red. the breeze changes its sweep. a sailor's intuition, take heed. for that which was a calm sea in the morn has turned rough at dawn. a storm has set in and each faerie boat is being rocked. making it harder to steer and focus. independence, love, dreams and the future... that which make up each of them. ambiguity creeps in. the storm still rages, the wind howling. inside each vessel there is a dampness. two faeries wishing for the sun to come out. believeing in the hope of what could be, and trusting what they have shared. their friendship.

and on one boat, she awaits for the dove. she-that-wears-her-heart-on-her-sleeve, with saline-soaked eyes, utters a prayer. guidance o great spirit! for once again, a belief is shaken. my soul sisters. she clings to her heart for the hope that when the storm passes, each will find their way back to the island. to watch another beautiful sunset...together.

a year's worth of experiences in a month's time.
and now i just need to take a step back and let it all sink in.
take that which is vital and carefully sort out what is temporary.
time for decisions once again,
a part of life which is constant.

to you my sister, stand thy ground.
find the strength that exists in your heart
the wisdom of the years
believe in our battle cry...
courage is our creed!

change...
ahhh, i know you.
that which has been in the beginnning and present in the end.

so this is my past life?
interesting.....

Your past life diagnosis:

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere in the territory of modern USA North-Center around the year 1375.
Your profession was that of a preacher, publisher or writer of ancient inscriptions.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Artistic personality, always transforming the ugly into the beautiful, gray into bright colors. You would find an opportunity of creative self-expression in any situation.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your main lesson is to develop magnanimity and a feeling of brotherhood. Try to become less adhered to material property and learn to take only as much, as you can give back.

TOURIST IN HER OWN CITY

that's exactly how i felt last friday, as bugs, took me around makati
i couldn't believe that I havent seen how beautiful the new greenbelt area is
in each restaurant we passed in greenbelt 2, i just stared
beautiful interiors, not to mention very expensive
and the fountain, yes the fountain, was just magical
the cinema was as if i was in a different land
WOW
now i can say that i have checked out the bars in makati

saturday was another tourist trip
this time it was pasay, then to the reclamation area
and it was a big rave party at the NBC tent
to end the day it was a chill out place called tianamen bar
i've been missing out big time then
just goes to show that there is a bigger world out there

thank you for opening the doors
so many places,
so many memories,
so much to life indeed!

INSTINCT!

on that cliff once more,
a steeper one that is.
gathering all strength,
I hastily build a wall,
right now! Fast!
otherwise I will take an extreme fall.
a fall like none yet.
that which i can't see myself surviving
what are these emotions for anyway if we have to keep it bottled up inside?
yet releasing them could mean the end of a friendship that has been wonderful.
but the irony is we wouldn't really know what the outcome is until we try.

a day that started with a headache.
ended with good music and a calmer spirit.

i ended up not going to work today.
i felt like I would not have been productive anyway.
so i colored my hair--purple brown
i bought myself a pair of dreamcatcher earrings,
went to watch my one of my lil sis' gig in makati
and ended watch aquarella, a brazillian band, at monks dream
now that's pretty productive don't you think?

i've been doing alot of experiential learning the past few weeks,
loving the intellectual stimulation it brings.
been meeting people, appreciating other music genres....
been able to have a grand ol time...
making me say, "now this is why I love life!"
so to you bugs, you know who you are, my appreciation.
with my hand over my heart, i thank you.
you've been a great companion
a toast to more escapades!

upon getting home, i decide to check my email
and an email from a highschool friend came
so now m trippin on memories and was inspired to write in filipino,

para sa mga kaibigan nung panahon na simple pa ang buhay,
nung nagsisimula palang tayong hanapin ang ating indibidwalidad
ngayon may sarili nang mga buhay....
may mga pamilya...
napakarami na ng pinag daanan,
ngunit patuloy parin sa pagtuklas,
bumabangon sa bawat umagang darating.

kelan kaya tayo ulit magkikita kita?
miss ko na tayo.
inuman...
kantahan...
mga balik tanaw sa kahapon...
sa isang samahan na hindi mabubuag,
ng panahon o ng sinuman.

salamat sa inyo mga mare.