Catching Dreams

WHEN DECISIONS ABOUND

There is something I still seek. Despite the abundance of rest and creativity that is overflowing, there is still a part of the puzzle that baffles me. Try so hard, I have to make sense of this and yet I end up mentally exhausted. The night lamp has been burning for days and my body clock confused. In search for at least a clue, but no luck.

Risk. Indeed it is constant in life. When we are afraid to paddle on till the river bend we never really know what lies around it. Most of us are paralyzed by the possibility of raging rapids that awaits us. Fear, the existence of it may rob us of opportunities that we may regret in the long run. But the question that prevails, are we ready to take the risk? Another word to consider, preparedness. Can we really prepare for everything? My belief is that we cannot, otherwise, I am going against my belief in faith and destiny. What then is pulling me back from taking the plunge? Could it be my not wanting to leave another comfort zone?

I had told myself that I would be true to myself. I can very well say I know what I want and what I see myself doing. And yet I am confronted with the anxiety of not being able to see it through. What ever happened to my enthusiasm for adventure and plunging into the unknown? Why is there inconsistency of what I would want and what I see myself I am capable of doing? Why do I continue to ask when it actually restricts me from making a move. I have become too much dependent on stability. But could we possibly achieve stability without the threat of failure?

Options and restrictions exist to every decision that we have to make. But I go by the motto of Carpe Diem. It may seem to some as a hindrance, yet I have always considered my being a free-spirit as a strength rather than a weakness. We can never know what tomorrow brings. We may prepare to the best of our ability just to be slapped with a totally different scenario the next day. Then our attempts to be prepared were simply a waste of time. We wouldn’t even know if we would be here the next day.

I have enjoyed living my life and I am proud of that. It may be unconventional and yet I know that it has given me valuable lessons, ones I would not trade for any other experience. I know i would make a decision i'l stand up to. Whatever that is, is for me to find out...