there is a whole world out there and I had to see it...
if I tell life what it has to be you limit it.
but if you let it show you what it wants to be, it will open doors you never knew existed.
Andre, from the movie "Tortilla Soup"

what is it I still seek?
there is uneasiness in me.
is as if I am looking for something.
significance of my existence?
is it recognition of my efforts?
could it be love?

cigarette in hand, music engulfing me. I let myself loose amongst my thoughts. that maybe in this moment before I let the career take hold once more, I might find some answers. or is it a way to console myself. because for someone that believes in exploring and letting the world open up to her, I am not doing that well. I let career rule me instead of me being in control. maybe, just maybe, I am doing or thinking something wrong. i wouldn’t really know, cause life never came with a manual. on the beautiful side, so far I still manage.

i still love life, that is what matters
I still hold on to my dreams, knowing that a step at a time...
I’ll get there.

Horoscope (by Astrocenter.com)
People around you might think that you have never matured, dear Gemini, and that you still have the mind of a child. It might not seem obvious at first, but your light-hearted attitude is also a symbol of great wisdom. As with those who have truly committed to long-term romances, you will find out that you will never lose your light-heartedness.

so true!!!

QUERIES

why do the accounts keep pouring in one after the other?
what happend to the other team members i have?
will the time come that i can take some rest after every training session?
who is listening to me anyway?
when will this crunch time end?
do i make sense?

QUESTIONS TO YOU

Why is my patience dwindling?
Why am I restless?
Is as if I suddenly have lost faith in destiny
I told myself that would be the last time I would talk about it
That I would focus on career and wait
Trusting that when that time comes I would just know
Then why this feeling
‘tis as if loneliness creeps in
Planting doubts in my heart
Then taking its poison, attacks my mind
Making me pose questions
That I seem to know the answers to
And yet I am blinded.
Selfishly wanting, NOW.
Great Spirit, fill me with assurance
Let my mind stop its wandering
And my heart be still

Only you.

WEEKEND REST

it was a choice to get double pay or to take the day off because of the holiday.
i chose the later
i need to rest
i don't want another burnout right after my vacation.

sometimes i think i'm doing something wrong with my job
that my boss thinks like i'm not giving my best
i find it hard to work up to his standards
that i just constantly remind myself that i just have TO DO my job
if he finds it inadequate i still know i gave it my best shot
its hard to have a boss who's married to his chosen profession

as for me its all about balance
that between your job and the things that matter to you
the people that matter too
right now its challenging to find that balance
work demands too much while things are happening around you
guess that makes it more exciting...

sigh

SHOTGUN POETRY

ahhh...
what did I expect from this good friend
great poetry from the heart.
these poems will be on exhibit in Manifesto, a bar in Timog
i will post the dates when i get them
we would like to hear what you think of it as well!
so leave me your comments

check it out...

STANDING ON MY OWN

its final.
they're moving away.
all i feel is fear.
of not having the comfort zone of them being near.
that incase i make a boo boo, they can come and help me.
and as were a lost and confused little girl,
i find myself emotional.
distressed and afraid.
thought i have been living independently for 8 months now.
i am still scared.
now more than ever i want to tell them i love them.
it takes this separation, for us to lower our emotional defenses.

A YEAR OLDER

isolation from the world. be alone with my thoughts. there is a need for me to look back after 2 weeks of being too preoccupied with my so-called career. i feel like my life is too messy (again =p) at this point and i need this day to clean-up. to be able to feel that i DID turn a year older. a tad bit more mature (?).

it would be nice to have a talk with myself now that i'm 26. sounds weird? heck, i'm different anyway =p i've always been. yet i still have managed to lead a good life. not perfect. but one that has taken me to a lot of places and taught me things.

though at times i don't understand why things in my life have to happen the way they do. but as they say there are times that you have to just go with the flow. a few questions here and there. then you gotta do it anyway and anyhow. then after a few days or months you realize, things DO happen for a reason. like why i had to move away or take that 1 month leave.

amidst everything that has happened to me, i am thankful that i am still enjoying life. that means i still have the ooportunity to do alot of things.
to explore more.
to influence
to love...

life goes on!

to you Great Spirit...thank you for all the blessings. for 26 years you have sustained me. and though i could be a stubborn little girl at times, you have been patient.

OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD

reminiscent
longing
missing
that of being loved and loving back

questioning
doubting
puzzled
of its non-existence in my life

raining
cold weather
being alone
thoughts flooding my mind makes me want it more

patience
belief
faith in destiny
that it will come at the right time

UNEXPECTED GIFT

i thought my birthday ended.
my friends picked up from starbucks because we had to pick up other friends and catch the last full show.
indeed we caught a good show.
their show.

i said i needed to use the bathroom. when i came in the lights were off.
when it came back on...SURPRISE!!!!
flowers, balloons and even streamers saying "happy birthday"
everywhere.
everything was in purple too. even the roses.
i said to myself "wow, i feel so special."
and i thought my birthday was just a passing day.

the day started out like a bullet missing its target.
but it ended well.

to my friends,
a big kiss and my heart full of thanks.
it was such an unexpected gift. all the acting paid off!
galing nyong umarte! pang famas
to rachel and jansi, what can say but SALAMAT! we have indeed gone through alot! and still here we are FRIENDS!
to ched...next time you have to be there
i love you my soulsisters!!!

i am so blessed.
thank you my abba. thank you for life and the situations that make you celbrate a day at a time.

UNEXPECTED EVENTS

i had a long day at work yesterday.
went home and realized my keys were not in bag.
called up jansi since she has her set of keys
but she said it would take them 30mins to get home
that was the longest wait outside the door of my own house.
stooofid me to forget!

i was preparing for the SMB EB
but i felt i just needed to lie down a bit
i woke up 2 hours after, LATE!
panicked, i called persh up and asked
if she knew the numbers of the people.
she got them for me, good thing inababes was already in megamall
it was easier to coordinate.

finally we found jonathan and 11th
at starbucks megamall
but them my housemates had to pick me up
so i had to bid them goodbye and apologize.
i wasnt even able to talk that long.

it was one exhausting day but it ended well.

to inababes...thanks for being patient, i was late again...some things don't change huh?
to jon and 11th...nice to meet you guys! sa uulitin...i'd block the day.
to joy ...i'm really sorry you had to wait with no avail...bonk me in the head...wag malakas ha