Catching Dreams

Abundant Confusion

There is a feeling of heaviness around me. It has been like this for the past week. Everything is just going down in a spiral. Even my career is threatened. My friends call it burn out. I want to understand what it really is. I don't the like the feeling it gives me. Could it be a reminder that I should be pursuing my dream? Am I going to be sick soon (that's why I feel as if energy has been drained out of me)? Is it a hormonal thing? Darn it!!! What is it??

Another thing is I am so emotional nowadays. Its like going down the nostalgia route. Everyday I've been remembering something from my childhood, the Cebu era, my Xientia memoirs and UP escapades. I hear songs and I just lapse into space. I have mastered the art of shutting myself out, even amidst a crowd. I have been keeping away of strangers or crowded places. It has been hard to avoid saline-soaked eyes. Its like there is so much pressure that would like to come out. Is this a sign I am loosing my grip? Or is it just a reminder that despite my wanting to be prepared or organized in my life there will always be things that is beyond our bounds. Things we cannot control. Things I would need to let go.

I have only been seeking the comfort of close, time-tested friends I have. Not that I doubt the others its just that I do not want to explain myself anymore. When I'm with them, I know I am not judged and that patience and understanding is within maximum tolerance. So I feel better. I laugh and I dance and I know I am alright. But why is it that when I am at work I go back to being indifferent? I couldn't even finish things in my to do list. Frustration is creeping in.

Great Spirit, my Abba, I pray. Grant me wisdom to discern the source of this instability. Help accept the things that I can do something about and things I need to lift up to you. I once again crawl on to your lap my Father and just rest my weary head, my broken heart and my shattered soul. May rest and healing flow.