weekends in puerto galera

Some of the photos i took when I went to the beach last weekend. There were too many people though and I hate the fact that they made my sanctuary such a commercial place. And now I have to find another beach thats close to Manila.



















puerto galera 2006

paintball in the eyes of a child

I miss playing so much! but i will back on the field soon. yes, hopefully soon! Thank for drawing this with me Thiru!

Everyone, PAC '06 (Paintball Asian Cup) is just around the corner! I wish I could go :(

--===--===--===--

quick update: i found out that there is a paintball field super near my house. its at tiendesitas and they have games every sunday. YIPEEE!!!! I can even bring my whole team (from the call center that is), I am sooooo excited. I'm there next week for sure. Let me just get a tan for this weekend at my beach sanctuary--- Puerto Galera! paintball my luv...i'll see you next weekend.

Please...

three days is all i ask...
a need to dive into healing waters,
to take a trip to my sanctuary.
take refuge in a place,
where memories will always be positive.
i need to recharge and soothe the wounds.
i must go away,
even for just a lil while...
please God...please.


--===--===--===--

Wasn't it said that all work and no play makes us dull? But why is it that when you make plans to play and refuse to take on a project, you can be tagged as unflexible.

When does responsibility to the work contract end and responsibility to self start?

--===--===--===--

Chuckey sent me a SUNSHINE CAREBEAR to cheer me up!!
that's why I wub her!
and yes its called S-U-N-S-H-i-N-E Bear noh...
yes it is! because i want it to be called that..hmp...

Missing Paintball

Yes...Asian Cup '06 is just around the corner and I'm not sure I can go. I miss playing pb though. I really loved the rush of it. Hopefully I will be back soon. Now to find a field near my house...

Oh..and because of this I was able to crate art with a friend from Malaysia...yahoo is sooo wonderful it helps create things...



Terima kasih Thiru!

The Best Way to End a Long Day

i go to work on a holiday,
so that i could prepare materials for monday
and so I dont have to worry over the weekend.
and then a beautiful surprise on yahoo messenger...
it was wonderful talking to you again.
i believe sleep will be good tonight!



me: hey s-------h...I wanna stay and chat with ya alll morning...but arent you tired and need to rest....I dont want you collapsing from fatigue tomorrow...oh no...not the s-------h
him: come to think of it......i better sleep now...gotta wake up at 7am....
me: see that!!
me: even if I'm all the way here I have to remind you....
him: thanks,you're the bestest of the bestest!!!!
me: s-------h dont try to work too hard lah
him: okie...u too!
me: I'm the no. 1 fan...I gotta look out for the s-------h
him: you're my no.1 fan!!!! i gotta look out for you too!!!
me: awwww....I miss ya s-------h...youve always looked out for me!
him: i miss you too ! sigh....dunno when im coming over.....
him: chat with ya later.....loggin oooofffff....
me: sweet dreams! mwuah
him: muacks!
him: 5...4....3....2....1.....

Gas Station Roadtrip

No time for alot of other things...
I have 2 pending blogs that I'm still trying to publish.
I have to prepare to go "on board" for a whole week.
But this experience can't wait.
I just have to write about it.

I love roadtrips. I like the exchange of stories, the laughter and simply the experience of being in a car going to places. Tonight I had an unusual one.

We hit 4 gas stations in an hour. The mission was to try and change a certain amount of money into 100s, 50s and 20s denomination. I was with people from my previous center and the girls even took turns to try and charm the gas station cashier into giving us change. It even became a contest on who can change the biggest amount.

So there we were 4 girls and our boss driving around Ortigas trying to accomplish our mission. I really enjoyed it. It didnt matter if it just within the metro, but it good to have a great set of people to hang around with. I wouldn't say no to another opportunity.

Then after that, we were exhausted and HUNGRY (!!!!!!) that we had to drive to no where else but-Hap Chan to pig-out! Yumeeeh Yang Chow fried rice and Spareribs with Salt n Pepper. As Ceng said, "where have u been all my life?"

It's rally fun being surrounded by crazy people!

And So...I am a Child of Neptune

So the Sunshine SuperGirl, who seems to be on a gloomy day today directs me to this quiz...





What Planet Are You From?

this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim

And They Come and Go...

The group that I have been waiting for arrived today. I picked them up from the airport and took them to the dorm they will be calling home for the next 2 to 3 days.

They're all nice. All 10 guys and 3 ladies. Some of them had really pretty eyes. One was almost turquoise and the other a very light shade of blue. But they was one kabayan who particularly caught my attention.

They'll be leaving for an island soon. Then some to a place just south of the Philippines. So I don't know if I will be able to even get to know him more. But it was nice walking and exchanging a few witty remarks with him.

Geeez...talk about wearing ones heart-out-on-a-sleeve.

How Long can a Gypsy stay at Camp?

She will forever be a gypsy at heart. A free spirit as those close to her would know. The world is their playground. It seems that there are certain times that they need to stay in a particular place and set up camp. But how long can a nomadic soul stay grounded?

Gypsies, like her, are not fickle minded nor are they indecisive. What other might seem as a restless soul is the spirit of someone who seeks to understand the world by experiencing it. Like an actor whose art is to breathe life to different characters as the curtain rises, she wants to master the art of co-existing with different cultures without loosing her own heart and uniqueness. They can quickly adapt to their current location and unattach themselves to prepare for the next place they would call home.

The word future is a bit foreign to these individuals because they live from day to day. Making enough to last them, at the most, to simply get to the next adventure. However she realizes she exists in a world with too much uncertainty that she needs to consider planning for a longer voyage. The thought of this brings confusion and discomfort, not to mention a lack of knowledge (or is it will) to bring it to pass. To someone who would rather feel physical pain than emotional discomfort, staying grounded is a difficult emotional battle.

She needs to make a decision soon. She can either try to juggle the job-that-pays-the-bills and the job-that-bring-adventures and exhaust herself in doing so, or she can set-up camp and concentrate and postpone adventures to a later date. These are bitter yet essential changes to accommodate planning for a better future.

To ease the discomfort a bit, she looks back at the exciting tapestry of her journey and sees how blessed her life has been. Somehow she has had her fair share of eye-opening adventures, wonderful people that makes the voyage through life worth it and a few packets of wisdom that would (or should) help her make appropriate choices.

The Child in Us Girls

here are our new ice-cream-foam-shoot-it-thingy. thanks to chuckey most of us can have an ice cream fight this summer.

i love these girls i work with. they make work exciting and fun!
lu (chuck...i'm not stoopid..it's short for loove) yah girls!

I Won

For the first time I won in solitaire!
Heee hee hee ;-)

A Letter to the Future

I have not given up on you. And I know I never will. Though impatience brought about questions and insecurities of your existence, I still believe that our True North would at the right time create this opportunity for our paths to cross.

During each time that doubts would start to surface He would bring into my life a messenger. Men that would show me a glimpse of how you would be like. Your traits, your faith & outlook in life and things we could enjoy doing for the rest of our lives together. Although He always made sure I would know the difference between a messenger and you.

And as I trod along this journey you were on the other side of that road having your own share of messengers, however you call them, but never losing the belief in our True North that I would be somewhere along the trail. It was this assurance that made us continue on the road, despite the detours and uneven paths; all because we knew it would be worth the walk.
So here I am a bit too eager once again. Another messenger our True North has brought along is once more giving me a peek of how you will like. With that smile that can calm an unpleasant day packaged with eyes that speak out and a means of showing any woman the respect they deserve. For this I am reminded to trust in the route I am in and that I have to tell my heart to simply be steadfast. It will be our True North that will lead the way.

As we rest our heads tonight, I pray, may you have the same peace of mind that we will get to that crossroads at the right time and our hearts will just know whose hand to hold.

Goodnight my weary traveler.

paintball asian cup 2006

Event: Asian Cup 2006 Paintball Tournament
Date: 10 & 11th June 2006
Location: Padang Timur, Petaling Jaya, Selangor, Malaysia
Categories: Open, Pro-Am, Amateur, Novice
Organised by: Selangor State Tourism Action Council & Skirmish Paintball Asia Sdn Bhd

Contact: Skirmish Paintball Asia Sdn Bhd8-2,Jalan PJU 8/5C,Perdana Business Centre,47820 Petaling Jaya,Selangor,Malaysia.
Telephone : +(603) 7722 5629Fax : +(603) 7722 1435
Email: info@skirmishpaintballasia.com
Website: http://www.skirmishpaintballasia.com

The Asian Cup 2006 Paintball Tournament is back with a BANG!
This year's event is set to be BIGGER and BETTER!!
Improvements based on feedback from last year's participants have been taken into account. We heard you! Watch this space for updates!

For the LATEST Updates, please click here:
http://www.raskalmalaysia.com/forum/index.php?showforum=61
(You need to register first before reading)

To have a PEEK at the previous Asian Cup 2005, pictorials, reports, please click here:
http://www.raskalmalaysia.com/forum/index.php?showforum=52

http://www.thingsasian.com/goto_article/tell_story.3523.html

Asian Cup 2004 pictorials & report:
http://menteribeliasukan.net/modules.php?name=Content&pa=showpage&pid=124
At the same time we will update this section once important information are ready to be posted. If you do not see information which is important to you, it means we are in the process of finalising it. However, please feel free to enquire further.
Game on!

Skirmish Paintball Asia Sdn Bhd specializes in:- Paintball Supply- Paintball Equipment- Paintball Merchandise- Paintball Event Management (Team Building, Corporate, Family Day)- Site Consultant

Skirmish Paintball Asia Sdn Bhd
8-2,Jalan PJU 8/5C,Perdana Business Centre,
47820 Petaling Jaya,Selangor,Malaysia.
Telephone : +(603) 7722 5629 Fax : +(603) 7722 1435Website: http://www.skirmishpaintballasia.com/

Perfect Lover

Kumareng Jill has tagged me once again. This time its about a Perfect Lovah...if there is such a thing. *mumbles to self* But then again I had a good time listing things down. So here's goes:

The sex of the target: But of course...a MAN!!

Eight different points of my perfect lover:
1) He accepts the people that are in my life and those that have been in my life before him
...must not be homophobic cause gayness will always be part of my life...forevah!

2) He will have a cute nose with a mole and nice chef-like hands
...don't ask why :D

3) He makes me laugh out loud and let's me roll on the floor laughing :D

4) He and I can talk to about the petty, the spiritual and the absurd anytime.

5) He loves to travel, can survive almost in any kind of situation and can go along my adventures to the unknown.

6) He can control me with his eyes
...that's because I respect him...makuha ka sa tingin ika nga :D

7) He understands how to live with a woman who is free-spirited and has a childlike enthusiasm
...a.k.a. ME!

8) He has the playfulness of a child's spirit
...its like the feeling you get when...you jump up & down on your bed...hopping and skipping to the parking lot...its like...being with me :D

Eight people I'm tagging: SunshineKage, Celtic Soul, Inababes, Yvy, Persh, Nawooz, Edhel Espyn, Chuck

Rules:
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of his/her perfect lover.
2. Need to mention the sex of the target.
3. If tagged the 2nd time, theres no need to post again.

My Inner Child

Your Inner Child Is Happy

You see life as simple, and simple is a very good thing.You're cheerful and upbeat, taking everything as it comes.And you decide not to worry, even when things look bad.You figure there's just so many great things to look forward to.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Infected by Wanderlust

i havent blogged for a long time because i have been so so so busy. but today i felt like i really needed to unload some of the thought process/es that have been brewing all this while...

that would be nice to travel and temporarily leave the Philippines and live (at least a year) in a different country, where people hardly know me. a new place to call home and start a life fresh with an opportunity to groove according to my own beat. it's not that i am unappreciative of what i currently have. its just a matter of trying to push my limits and see how i would exist on a clean slate. to be able to grow and increase the challenge of making one's existence a memorable journey.

where would i go? i could probably try malaysia, truly asia? or perhaps lucious italy? or scenic greece? maybe laid back hawaii would be a great choice?

i am back in my fantasy battle planning stage. the reality is i don't have the money or time to do this. and so the best thing is to ask for guidance, wait and be keen of the signs. to let the journey come alive even just in my mind, cause to me that can be the start.

'coz heck...it never hurts to dream.

Hi I am...Death

Death, the second of The Endless, you are
responsible for ending all lives and taking
them to your realm, from which no one ever
returns. You are bright, positive, happy,
optimistic and enjoy everything about life,
but that does not mean your silly or stupid.
You can lay the smack down when you have to!
Everyone loves you, and they don't know why.


Which Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

With a Cup of Teh Tarik...

Christmas Day was spent with my Uncle and a cousin joining us for some barbeque. It was nice to be home with family. What was even nicer was having some time with me and a hot cup of teh tarik. Yes, my Uncle came home from Malaysia bringing the powdered version of my most favorite drink…teh tarik. Two packs of this fragrant and delicious drink. My mom took one and I was left with an opened pouch that I unfortunately had to share with the family. Call me selfish but mom really had to work her way with me making a cup for everyone, which got me pondering during my alone time…

What makes some things in one life too hard to share?

Teh Tarik to me is a like a book that takes me on a story. Each sip is like flipping a page of that manuscript which takes you on a journey back through time. A journey that you want to take pleasure in alone for the fear that maybe other people may not understand its true value to you. Having teh tarik is like being back in Malaysia again, a place were great memories have been authored. It’s about the great (and cheap) food I have enjoyed almost in every corner of Petaling Jaya and KL. Its about spontaneous laughter brought about by ever flowing teh tariks and limo ice during late night mamak escapades. It’s about a sport called paintball and the men & some women (harmful yet harmless men) that make it even more exciting. It is also about being able to travel and let my free spiritedness fly, roam and conquer yet another nook of this world. Most of all it’s about a boy with a beautiful smile who is willing to buy me all the teh tarik I drink, hop & skip with me with childlike enthusiasm and assure me that I will always have a friend who's at the very least an sms away.

Maybe it’s hard to share my teh tarik because I felt that if I finish the pack I also am letting go of the memories I have attached to it. That one of these days when I look and see that the pack is empty I will forget the people, the places and the boy. I know I need to release this chapter of my personal history and make space for new and unknown worlds to experience. But for now let me sit and enjoy my teh tarik by myself cause I’m not ready to let go...not just yet.

Enjoy the Journey

why are people sad?

...because they are prisoners of their personal history. everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. they never ask if that plan is theirs...and they start to accumulate experiences, memories, things, other peoples ideas and it is more than they can possibly cope with. and that is why they forget their dreams...in order for the true energy of love to penetrate your soul, your soul must be as if you had just been born. people are unhappy because they want to imprison that energy

...which is impossible.

The Zahir
by Paulo Coelho

Keeping the Positive Vibe

such a messy week. so many responsibilities each one seeking to be in the top spot and yet time still remains to be limited. and being a part of the greater whole, some things are bound to be sacrificed. and sadly sometimes these are the things you enjoy doing the most. giving these up can break your heart, but you have the choice of letting the defeat (of doing what you love) drag you down or to be continually in control of your own attitude. as the gang would say...keep the positive vibe.

its remembering that the journey isn't over yet and there could be similar days when you feel that your dreams are being threatened. reminding myself that i make my own decisions, i determine the course that my stories would take. it's just a matter of enjoying the path, the scenery and the people i meet along the way including the occasional bumps on the road.

Strawberry Milkshake and You

i had a messy week and so i decided to sit down and order a creamy strawberry milkshake at my favorite coffeeshop and look back on the week.

in between sips, puffs and journal writing you come into mind. a man with a sunny smile whose eyes encourage one to think happy thoughts; i wonder how you are. it's been a while since I last heard from you. and as if the questions would some how transport itself to you i ask how your week was or which part of the world have you unpacked your suitcase this time? aside from this i might like to know if i manage to enter your thoughts as well. but irregardless of the answer i simply say thank you. an appreciation of the way you continue to inspire that there are good people still left in this world. and that i should continue to believe...

that although life may throw you sour lemons we can always load our hoppers full and start shooting away the bitterness as they come. hee hee...

i miss you.

Realize...

the zahir...paolo coelho's newest novel...borrowed a copy from a friend during a surf trip and couldn't put it down...



thank you kage for yielding to my request to go first. maybe it was all part of the plan that do get to read the book at that particular time because at that point in time it made a whole lot of sense to me. lemme share a few more stuff...

what is freedom?


why are people sad?

Do You Want an Orange or Blue Cabana?

Sunlight gradually creeps through the sheets till it hits your face. Then you stretch and prepare yourself to greet the day. You open the curtains and the blue and turquoise seas glitter from the distance. Indeed a good morning sunshine! You take in a breath of the fresh air and taste the saltiness that comes with it. You are on your beach cabana and far from the unescessary pulls and tugs of the urban jungle. Where time is spent on nurturing relationships and oneself.

How i wish that it was like that everyday...on my orange cabana.

Photos are from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pipsy/62183408/in/set-1343303/ and http://www.flickr.com/photos/pipsy/31935487/

Henna I want...

I like the ethnic feel it gives.
I like the way it fades after a couple of weeks.
Plus the design is really good.

I found this at Yvy's site (she happens to be a friend of a good paintball brother) and asked her if I can post it up on my blog. Thanks Yvy! And any time your in Manila just holler!

Simple Pleasures

I guess my friend IS finally happy.

its sad about how people mistake you for something based on your appearance. but what they don't know is that for some people happiness could be as simple as having a baby and the experience of having to care for it.

i miss you kitty. i have no more yahoo grill partner. but i'm glad your happy.

DISCLAIMER: If you happen to know my friend Kitty.
Then you have to know that this is NOT her child.
This is a former officemate's kid.
Kitty is still very much sexy and is/was not preggy.
Hee hee.

TROPICAL STORM PEPENG

Click for a larger image.

Fate..are you playing with my heart again?

Just when I have gone through hell and high water just for this trip, you bring me this?

It even has to be in the exact location we will be wednesday morning!


Visit PAGASA Site for Updates on this storm

Friendster Therapy

there was a reunion of real good friends and such is the essence of our friendship that we are free to share whatever it is that is happening with our lives without the threat of one passing a judgement. thus the buzz word for that night was...THERAPY.

what is therapy?

a website says:
Therapy is any intervention in order to restore, maintain, and improve emotional, physical, physiological, and spiritual health and well-being

I have a new therapy since my workload (having 3 commitments is not an easy task) seemed to bottleneck in this one particular week, not to mention family issues that are like unforgotten-wounds-that-have-not-healed only to surface years after.

And so...welcome...my Friendster Therapy.

After each training session, i go back to my workstation...open my friendster...read the friends with new photos or updated their profilles and upload new photos! I have probably uploaded one photo a day last week. Not to mention read Mama Anna's (Angeles) blog, uploaded photos for Supahstah (Andrew) and Abbys, as well as find people I havent seen in a long time.

Then I log-off and head home. Next day I train...take my lunch break...train some more and do my friendster ritual all over again. What do I get from it? At the very least an essence of being able to catch up with the life I lead. With this I feel as though I am restoring and maintaining my well-being. Not everything we do has to make sense right?

Blog Color

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Curse of the Talented?

its not that I'm mad or anything but I do feel like I'm always the first option to save a situation if the original plan can't push through for reasons that are valid sometimes. maybe i should see it as a compliment. that since they know i could pull it through, then they would run to me. but what if i say no? i wonder how they would take that and if they would actually drop what they're doing to carry through. or would they even care?

but here i am stuck with fixing the script, a lil bit of grumbling but nevertheless looking on the brighter side of things. cause at least this is my bargaining card for me to be able to make it to the next surf trip.

does this make me mean?

Mobile Me

the cab was my home today. almost half an hour to proj 8 to get my paintball mask and shoes. an hour and a half to manila hotel to supposedly meet with my surfing boss. waiting at the lobby for 20 minutes. another hour and a half then it was my real home.

this is mobility at its best. i had my cellphone singing it's rush ringtone almost every 30minutes. shades, mp3 humming jack johnson, power naps between locations.

i got home at 6pm. overslept. late for shift. yikes....

Selamat pagi!

a wonderful morning indeed. how can a morning not be good if you're greeted by people that seem to have a natural talent for infusing laughter into any situation.

my raskal brothers getting to work early took time to make me feel at home with the paintball talk and the usual Raskal Havoc . conversational pieces that can only be from people who have a special connection with you.

next week i hope there could more raskals in the room. to speedyG thanks for being the brains in this endeavor.

saya rindu awak semua!

See ya next year Scottie!

Kathy, Kage and I met up for dinner with Kung-fu Scott, who's leaving to head back to work in Syndney tomorrow.

Scott and two other friends took a detour trip to Guiuan, Eastern Samar to join us for the 3rd leg of the Philippine Surfing Circuit. They were nice enough to help us with the surf clinics wherein more than 20 local kids signed up excited and willing to ride the waves.

So Scottie, we'll see ya next year Mr. Pro "Underground" Surfer!

and so i called him. i just wanted to hear the sound of his voice. it was an echo of calmness, control and yes--there was contentment. part of me saying I wish I had his life was real, except i had ommitted, my wish that it would be with someone like him (if not him) .

i need to head to a meeting now. but I shall continue soon...

photo credits to Pat Mateo.

Severe Beach Hang-over

Four days was too short for Siargao this year.
A note to self.
Next year will be different.
Need to stay for Zeny's birthday.
Need to wait for International surfers to come in.
I guess I need to find a different job.
Argh.

Return to the Island

SIARGAO HERE I COME!!!!!!

A chance to start writing on a fresh page. That is what has been given me today., the first day in my new job. And there is in me a desire to make this worth all the sacrifices the people around me had to endure.

Despite leaving the call center industry, I am once again drawn to working for a start up company. There are some new faces but the core team I will be working with are people I trust and that to me matters a whole lot. I look forward to picking up the pieces of my career as a trainer and and stick to it for a while after having realized that I can still make a difference whatever industry I am.

This is not a goodbye to events or paintball but rather a way for me to have the capability to do what I enjoy on my spare time. The true test lies in being able to create a balance between career and passion for events.

Gratitude to the people that still believed in me and extended a hand of help through difficult times. Indeed I am back refreshed, stronger and renewed.

Needing a JOB!

Anyone know of any openings for sales or call center trainer openings?
Or as event staff? Production Assistant?
If you do know of any email me or send me an sms!
Thanks!

Finding One's True North

I can choose either to be a victim of the world
or an Adventurer in search of treasure.
It’s all a question of how I view my life.
-Maria, Eleven Minutes by Paolo Coelho

I have always considered myself a dreamer. That is who I am. I find the determination in knowing I can dream and make them my reality. But right now I need to find my True North otherwise I'll end up catching anything that what I consider treasures may loose their value.

Picking Up the Pieces

Depression is still knocking on my door.
Everyday it becomes even more persistent in selling itself to me.
Presenting one sound argument after another.
It seems that all options lead to dead ends.
Possibilities loose their power and your self-esteem is under siege.
How then can one pick herself up?

True Freedom

I don’t know where you are and how you are, but you have been in my mind the past few days. Despite my wanting to let go and move on, part of me knows I cannot.

Can it happen that one loves wholeheartedly but is not loved by that person back?

I may not in my lifetime be able to tell you “I love you” point blank. But I know I have taken the opportunities to say it in action or by hiding them between other expressions. I have shown courage that much. And despite what they say that men cannot grasp beyond plain words, I know that you have an inclination of what my heart has to say. However I believe that love should be free. And that the true experience of freedom is having the most important thing in the world without owning it. That then is what I shall embrace. It doesn’t mean it is easy but it is the truth.

You have been a muse and a companion. To what the future holds for you, me or “us” it will unfold in its time. But I will always have faith in love and I know that it moves in ways that is beyond the intellectual grasp of any individual. Like a stream we cannot dictate how long it’s waters will flow. But like that woman who possessed “a light” in her- I also say to you and the messengers of love before you “ Come and bless me with your hope, and stay as long as you can.”

Fading Magic

There’s a picture of boy in my shelf that reminds me not to give up on my passions. He is a portrait of what enthusiasm can do to ones soul. And I need to be reminded of that fact. Cause lately life has been draining out of me and the magic of beliving is fading.

Reliving Moments

From time to time thoughts of you manage to still creep into my day. It's like a slideshow of photos I have taken with my mind of those random moments I felt were worth keeping. Like those timeless melodies, they’re a part of my life that I can take out whenever and wherever I feel the need to hum, relive and reassure myself that the choices I made in my life brought me to experience the beauty of people like you. Then the journey becomes worth every second.

Facing and Bracing Reality

I'll be gone for a while. I need to take a trip and face the current situation. It would be nice to say that I will do so with no fear but it will be lying. I don't like myself for having gone this far and letting me sink this deep. I am starting to burden people around me and if I dont start picking up now I may not be able to look at these people in the eye.

Pray with me that I will get through this...the right way.

a mere title

They call us trainers. It's a mere title. But I find the title too aggressive. I want to be considered a facilitator and coach. Not wanting to be a know it all but just trying to guide people to a different way of looking at things. That way it becomes a two-way process with the people that I deal with.

I believe that those that take part in the modules I handle will in part teach me a thing or two. And I am eager to join them in their learning, discoveries and realizations.

POWER OF MUSIC

I was tagged by Jill. So here goes...

Total volume of music files on my computer:
I really havent checked

The last CD I bought:

Jack Johnson's "In Between Dreams"

Song playing right now:
Vienna Teng's Harbor

Songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
I'm changing the format a bit.
I'm posting my favorite artists,
the songs I like from their albums and
the words in these songs that mean alot to me.

Better Together by Jack Johnson
"Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it’s so hard?
It’s not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I’ll tell you one thing, it’s always better when we’re together"

Strength, Courage & Wisdom by India Arie
"Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility
Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice
But I've been, too afraid to make a choice
'Cause I'm scared of the things that I might be missing
Running too fast to stop and listen"

Ready for Love by India Arie
"If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart"

Healing by India Arie
"I release all these disappointment
From my mental physical spiritual and emotional body
Cause I know that spirit guides me
And love lives inside me
That's why today I take life as it comes"

Eager Angels by Session Road
"Like eager angels falling from heaven
I'd give it all up to share the pain with you"

Suntok sa Buwan by Session Road
"Itanong mo sa akin,
tatanungin ko rin
kung ika'y aamin
lahat ay gagawin."

The Tower by Vienna Teng
"she says I need not to need
or else a love with intuition
someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
but now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow"

Lullabye for a Stormy Night by Vienna Teng
"for you know, once even I was a
little child, and I was afraid
but a gentle someone always came
to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears
and to give a kiss goodnight"

Harbor by Vienna Teng
"fear is the brightest of signs
the shape of the boundary you leave behind
so sing all your questions to sleep
the answers are out there in the drowning deep"

Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:
Does it really have to be five??
Goddess Morwen
Nawruz
Persh
Keng Keng
Edhel Espyn

Where is the Manual?

I want to take charge of my life…again. However I do not know where or even when to start. Somehow in the last few months I have seemed to either loose touch of certain aspects of myself that I feel like I do not recognize who I really am anymore. What makes it worse is that I am so good at rationalizing that I can convince the people around me that I am in control of the situations, so compelling that I manage to even assure myself that I am on the right track.

I am growing tired of my trial-and-error approach to handling the situations that come my way. Why can’t life just have a manual? That when things malfunction you can just turn to a certain page and read a step by step procedure on how to troubleshoot the problem. A guaranteed approach to deal with the circumstances that one is experiencing.

But then wouldn’t kill the sponteneity of life and make it boring? I guess the cycle continues…

That Time of the Year

It's that time of the year. When you feel that your whole system short circuits and you are left at your most vulnerable self. You want to get to your core and ask yourself if the year previous to this was any different the year before that. Sometimes it's just as simple as "Am I a better person?" But the answers always seen to be elusive at this time of the year, so maybe next year then? One of those mystifying cycles of life.

Maybe if I was...
Five or six, I would have looked forward to a party.
In highschool, it would have been a great time at the mall with my friends.
In college, I would have gone to a bar with my favorite band playing.

But I no longer am in these phases. So I guess this year I could try spending quality time alone with the celebrant...me.

Half Filled or Half Empty

Could it all boil down to attitude?

I was on that edge of either giving up or just going through it for the sake of the people that I would be turning my back on. Was I on the right track? Or should I just turn back now while I still had a fall back career. Or maybe I was asking the wrong questions.

Friends say that I needed to look into my priorities. Ask myself what is important and to probably stick to what would give me financial security. For a week there, I did let them get into my mind. I was seriously thinking of giving it all up. I thought I was loosing sight of the goal. But was happening is I was too fixed on the prize I was forgeting to enjoy the journey.

Maybe what I need is a change of attitude. That I should accept this as of now, sacrifice a little for what is to come and simply relish the experience in between the present and the dream cause I will never have a chance to relive that.

RANT on Paintball Politics

You know the people who have a heart for a sport when you see them SIMPLY promoting it rather than getting people on their side. Tournaments and events should be about getting people to play together and not getting them to choose who is the better organizer, or who gave the right amount of prize money.

They do not hide in the shadows of other nicknames but rather would speak their mind or confront in privacy the person who they think is at fault. They won't say things behind your back and smile when they're infront of you.

For a sport that still has a long way to go, why should there be camps? Why cant we just work hand in hand together for the growth of the paintball in OUR region? Do we really have say bad things about what others has done hoping to gain the sympathy of others? Isn't that just plain pathetic? Isn't that if you do not have anything good to say then just SHUT UP!?! Those that do business like this are the ones killing the development of the sport, instead of helping it.

Call me an idealist, but I really do want this sport to grow in player numbers and produce tournaments at par with the "big ones" here in the Asia-Pacific region. But if each tournament organizer is trying to out-shine and over power one another all because they have the capability or the money, then forget the goal. Cause after a certain time, tournaments will be too expensive to stage, that no one will be able to play in them anyway. Maybe you should ask yourselves...what are you really trying to do FOR the sport of paintball? Or does it really have to be about personal vendettas and gain??

A wise man from the United Kingdom told me in Malaysia that its not about who gets the bigger piece of the pie but rather how to make the pie bigger and bigger to accomodate everyone wanting a piece.

I would have to agree.

Touchdown Malaysia

I have arrived!! Currently at the Malaysian office and getting ready to go to my favorite mamak stall...STEVEN's CORNER!!!! Time for naan cheese and teh tarik!! Wahooo!!!!

I'll update everyone on the progress of my trip soon!!!

Countdown Malaysia

And so the countdown is on...Just 7 more days and Malaysia here I come!

It seems that anticipation is heightened each time I run a red mark through each day that passes. For each mark means a day closer to getting on that plane and saying hello to a country I call my second home- Malaysia.

What it is with this place, I do not know. It seems to have a lil bit of magic that makes me feel like I the person who I know I am!

A homecoming awaits me and the first on my list of things to do is to go to Steven's Corner, order naan cheese and teh tarik!

Your Dominant Intelligence is Interpersonal Intelligence

You shine in your ability to realate to and understand others. Good at seeing others' points of view, you get how people think and feel. You have an uncanny ability to sense true feelings, intentions, and motivations. A natural born leader, you are great at teaching and mediating conflict. You would make a good counselor, salesperson, politician, or business person.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Emotional Ties

Are you familiar about the coping mechanism wherein we subject ourselves to "being busy" just so we don't have to think of someone? Especially someone that we maybe attracted to but somehow can’t or won’t have.

So after my trip to the country of If-It-Looked-Good, I realized I had to “be busy,” especially since I met “her.” And mercifully, life seemed to be on my side cause it gave me a lot of opportunities not to think of him (a.k.a PROBLEMS!). I even almost convinced myself I was moving on. Our interaction was limited to scarce text messages, email and Friendster. I read them, then think of “him” and then hit the home button and resume working on the marketing letter due tomorrow. It was going great.

What happens though when you’re not that busy and you a get a message from that one person that brings a blush to your cheeks? Not to mention time to be able to read it…over and over again? For me, the progress line of moving on suddenly stops and plateaus. You start reliving the memories and the butterflies in your stomach start to flutter again. I become that little girl with a grin that wouldn’t go away. Why was I-or rather still am- attracted to this man?

Am I setting myself up for another heartbreak or should I just let the infatuation die a natural death and enjoy the feeling while it lasts? Or should I just book more projects and loose myself (maybe even my heart) in the web of deadlines and meetings?

Wildly Sophisticated

While you can plan, you can't predict.
While you can try with all your might, you can't control.
While you can dream, you can't experience without action.

What you can do is choose..
The most important choice you have to make is your attitude.

-Wildly Sophisticated Woman

Loosing the Childhood Innocence

I was starting to loose the child in me. Journal writing became scarce, because I was neglecting to celebrate life on a daily basis. The fun was being replaced by the worries of the world and we all know how these can eat us up. The habitual existence, forced to do something for the sake of survival. The balance they say from being a dreamer and the reality of life. But how does one know what the right balance is? Can one really weigh one’s dreams against a scale?

The point when I wanted to give up on life, was that moment that I thought I had to give up all of my dreams that I felt my heart being gripped both figuratively and literally. For when dreams are taken out of one’s spirit then it is when the soul starts to wither. No longer does it hope for a future. The drum beat stops and we are left with no rhythm to follow. How then can one's spirit dance without its melody? Maybe the question should be why do permit that childhood innocence to be defeated by the complications that we bring into our lives? Only ourselves can permit the reactions to the situations that are thrown our way. We should not blame the circumstances for the state of our lives. We have to take control of our existence and not leave it in the mercy of the state of the world.

But why then do we replace friends with worrying. Rest with cramming. And somehow the magic of believing in the good dissipates and we are left with hopelessness.

What then should someone do to rise up from this quagmire? Can one bounce back from such a fall?

The LOWdown on Life

Indeed the universe does conspire to those who dream…initially at least.

Her life has taken, for lack of a better cliché, a dramatic turn back to what she felt was square one. Maybe it was the just the year, they said that the Year of the Rooster was not very lucky for Gemini’s. She was almost beginning to believe in the accurateness of astrology. If only they had answers to the multitude of questions that seem to crash into her in tsunami-like fashion.

"Why is all of this happening to me?" This is probably the I’m-getting-desperate-for-answers kind of question anyone can ask. But can one really find an answer to that question?

Last year, 2004, seemed to be her year. She had a job that took her places, met some very interesting characters to add to her list of people she called “the crayons of life’s coloring book.” Plus the trip to Malaysia, Singapore and Vietnam that she considered a grand finale for the year. All of this makes you say, ahhh….this IS the life. But then January came and everything just started to, well…suck!

From a near death encounter with fire (not her element at all), to moving out because of a brother that just pushed her to her limits, to parent’s that gave up trying to understand the lifestyle their daughter has been struggling to embrace. She now lives in a humble room, with really noisy termites and a couple next door that seem to perceive her as another girl trying to live a wild existence. Juggling a part-time call center job with a company that has lost it act and her “event projects” that do generate income-except add to the stress- but are however too interesting to give up for a full time office job, isn’t really much help to the situation. There’s also her almost non-existent savings account in the bank and the threat of no financial resources for April looming in the oh-too-near-future. Let us not forget to mention the debts she has to pay, that when put together can force one to tie a knot around their neck…now to just find a beam that can carry her weight. She has not had a decent sleep for a month now and the nausea she has developed for Jollibee food since that’s all she can afford to eat. One can’t help but be a little (NOT!) sarcastic and say…now, this IS life!

This woman now lives on a daily basis. Talk of the future is starting to sound ridiculous. She keeps the call center task to be able to make her rent money, eat yet-another-Jollibee-meal, provide her with access to the Internet and serve as a diversion for pathetic thoughts. Too survive at the very least. Because despite it all, there is still apart of her that continues to believe…that the universe is conspiring to her dream…they are just testing on how much she is willing to go out of comfort zones to reach them. Maybe that small seed can be enough to make miracles happen…

How Is Your Story Written?

If you were a writer, would there be unexpected twists in your tales? Would your story be in defiance to what the movies and literature feed us? How is your story written?

The chapter on love.

While some people write of the one that got away, or of the you-and-me-against-the world legend. Could it be that to some it will be just a one-way street? That they are destined to accomplish a certain task by being with a person and then they have to move on to another one?

Take my life for instance.

Friends say that I have mastered the art of falling and gracefully letting go of the men in my life. I guess they can say that because they are only spectators. Were they there when my eyes were swollen due to the over-nighter crying marathon? Or the time I was teetering on that thin line called madness because I was trying to find a plausible reason of the pain that I was feeling? I guess not.

If I sum up all those experiences, the raison d'être of my needing to let go was either because the feeling wasn’t mutual or because “my man” had to leave me for a valid reason. And all I was left to do was acknowledge that truth or accept the fact that life will pass me by if I continue to wait for the answers to the dead end question of WHY. So I am left with no option but to move on, thus the start of what seems as grace in letting go, was all just the strength in wanting to survive or the fact that it would it be pathetic to hold on. Then it all goes back to the beginning of a cycle that never really ends.

That is my story. How is yours?

Enough!

Tama na ang kahibangang ito. Wala naman talagang patutunguhan eh, di ko alam kung bakit umaasa paren ako. Ayoko na, pagod na ako. Minsan pakiramdam ay sadyang inaalala ang mga magandang alaala upang di ka malimot. Pero ngayon ayoko na. Imumulat ko na ang aking mga mata.

Weird! I'm blogging in Filipino!

And so I put a period to this so-called-love-team. Enough of you being a nice guy. I wish you'd just let me know how you really feel. No more hiding. Please don't sms me all because I did. Stop confusing me, cause that I can manage by myself!

So now I am talking to myself again and convincing me that I have to do it. I've done this before but why does it seem to be more difficult now! Why do I have to be such a hopeless and hapless romantic? It's pathetic!!!

Her Christmas Gift

anticipation is what fills her as she counts down the days till she finds herself in another country for 10 sunrises! a place where a someone is at least willing to give her the most wonderful Christmas gift ever...time and presence. though to some she seems to be opening herself to hurt and heartbreak, she shoves the thought and knows to simply enjoy the moment.

to herself she utters a sigh of contentment with the opportunity given her, for she knows that it is the best her new friend can devote. once again she will feel that she is a woman...capable of love and being showed loved. though it may seem temporary, for the chance she is thankful.

to you, the man with a gentle soul and enthusiasm of a child, she offers a prayer. may your heart forever be one that dances!

"GF"

was it that I had preparing myself for the news all this time. seeing the letters "gf" on that sms gripped my heart and yet i felt like I was anticipating that moment. an overwhelming sadness filled me and i just wanted to relieve myself of the pain with tears. for the 30minutes the warm drops fell and then there was none. 'twas as if that was all it took and then acceptance came over me. even now as I write this I feel that it was not a loss. and though his emotions are for another woman I know I have your companionship...forever.

the promise of a friendship, despite my wanting it to go down a different road makes the goodnight sincere. so i guess you were another messenger sent by the Great Spirit. and now I am back to status quo, to waiting and praying...